Crashing Out? How to Calm Down When You’re Angry

On the edge of crashing out?

No one said that staying calm when you’re angry is easy, but it’s a must – and an attainable skill – if you don’t want rage to run the show.

When anger starts to boil, follow these steps to turn down the heat and keep intense feelings from taking over.

Anger often begins with physical signs of dysregulation like the following:

• A knot in your stomach
• Shallow breathing
• A hot face
• Clenched fists
• Speaking louder than usual

As soon as you notice you’re becoming dysregulated, acknowledge it — aloud or mentally. Say, “I need a moment.” Naming what’s happening validates your experience and slows the emotional surge.

Then create distance from the trigger. Do what's within reason to lower stimulation: leave the room, pause the conversation, or stop the task you’re tackling.

[Read: “Over Time, My Stored-Up Anger Exploded.”]

Continue to slow the action with in-the-moment soothers like:

• Going for a walk
• Drinking cold water or splashing it on your face
• Clenching and unclenching your fists or other muscles
• Texting a friend for support
• Drawing, doodling, or writing out your thoughts
• Triangle breathing – inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for six

[Read: How I Calm Down My ADHD Brain – 14 Quick De-Stressors]

Anger is often a cover for stress and anxiety. Anxiety fuels negative self-talk, a gloomy outlook, and more anger because it is a condition of, “What about the bad stuff?”

Challenge anxious thoughts by asking, "What could go right?” How could the circumstances that angered you turn out differently?

Restful sleep, regular exercise, mindfulness, balanced meals, and other long-term habits are essential for managing emotional dysregulation rooted in ADHD.

Practice the steps above when you’re mildly annoyed, not on the verge of crashing out. The more you rehearse, the more second-nature these tools will become when you really need them in real time.

Crashing Out: Next Steps for Emotional Control

• Free Download: Emotional Regulation & Anger Management Scripts
• Read: How to Control Your Anger When ADHD Emotional Reactivity Kicks In
• Read: Keeping Your Cool

The content for this article was derived from ADDitude’s “Solve My Problem!” sessions with Sharon Saline, Psy.D.

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