SPECIAL NOTE: Due to unforeseen circumstances, this webinar has been canceled. We will notify all registrants if Leslie Josel is able to reschedule this event.

How do we help our children and teens with ADHD take ownership of their time, tasks, and daily responsibilities—without endlessly directing, reminding, and rescuing them? How do we, as parents, step back in a way that strengthens their independence?

In this webinar, ADHD Coach Leslie Josel will show parents how to resist the temptation to jump in with solutions, and instead guide their children to create their own plans, articulate their own answers, and build the executive functioning muscles needed for independence.

She’ll explore how strengthening key executive functioning skills—planning, initiation, and future thinking—creates the foundation for sustainable habit-building and true problem solving. Leslie will also unpack why the word “problem” matters more than we think, and how its overuse can unintentionally send discouraging messages that stall growth and motivation.

Walk away with practical tools and insights that make stepping back feel purposeful and effective.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• How repeatedly labeling something a “problem” can shut down a child’s problem-solving mindset — and what to say instead
• How to use future-focused, empowering verbiage to help your child strengthen initiation, awareness, and internal motivation
• About the 3-Step Habit-Building Model, a simple, brain-based framework that parents can use immediately to help their children create sustainable habits and routines
• Guided questions parents can use to spark independent thinking and reduce over-reliance on adult direction
• How to stop answering questions your child never asked and avoid unintentionally becoming the “manager” of their every move

Webinar Sponsor

Play Attention, inspired by NASA technology and backed by Tufts University research, is designed to strengthen executive function so children can build the skills that support independence, including follow through, flexible thinking, working memory, and self control. Your dedicated Focus Coach will tailor a plan for each family member. Home and professional programs are available. Take our ADHD test and schedule a free consultation to get started. www.playattention.com

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

Life Skills for Teens: Resources

• • • Free Download: What Are Your Teen’s Weakest Executive Functions?
    • Read: How to Explain ADHD in Positive, Empowering Terms
    • Read: 5 Life Skills Every Young Adult with ADHD Should (Eventually) Master
    • Read: How to Steer Your Teen Without Hovering or Nagging
      
      

Meet the Expert Speaker

Leslie Josel is an award-winning ADHD student and parenting coach. She founded Order Out of Chaos, a virtual company whose mission is to help parents guide their students to success in learning and in life, when her son was first diagnosed with ADHD. She is also the creator of the award-winning Academic Planner: A Tool for Time Management®, a planner that helps students develop time management skills, and the author of three books, including How to Do it Now Because it’s Not Going Away: An Expert Guide to Getting Stuff Done. (#CommissionsEarned)
#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Certificate of Attendance: For information on how to purchase the certificate of attendance option (cost $10), register for the webinar, then look for instructions in the email you’ll receive one hour after it ends. The certificate of attendance link will also be available here, on the webinar replay page, several hours after the live webinar. ADDitude does not offer CEU credits.

Closed captions available.

This behavior may look like defiance, but I argue that it’s a sign of dopamine withdrawal. No, that’s not far-fetched. We know that short-form content — think TikTok, YouTube Shorts, Instagram Reels — is carefully engineered to activate the brain’s dopamine centers.¹ We also know that excessive consumption of short-form content is linked to poorer attention, depression, anxiety, stress, and loneliness. Difficulty disengaging and regulating emotions offline is a common result.²

It stands to reason that youth with ADHD, whose brains are wired for novelty and stimulation, and who have difficulty regulating, feel the effects of these digital dopamine hits (and withdrawals) more intensely.

📱 Read: Why Screens Mesmerize Our Teens — and How to Break the Trance

So, what can you do to release the latest brain rot’s hold over your child? Once you understand how dopamine drives your child’s reactions, the next step is to guide that chemistry instead of fight it. The strategies below will help your child regain calm and control and build healthier reward patterns.

1. The Power-Down Countdown

“Five more minutes” doesn’t mean much to ADHD brains. Visuals say a lot more. Try color-changing timers, countdown apps, or lamps that fade from green to red to signal that it’s almost time to switch away from screens. You can even turn it into a challenge: Log off before the light turns red to earn more allowance.

2. Dopamine Down Shift

Abruptly shutting off a heavy stream of dopamine destabilizes ADHD brains. Instead, move your child into a dopamine replacement activity that is short, satisfying, and active. That can be shooting a few baskets, racing around the living room, drawing for five minutes, or solving a short puzzle — anything will do, if it’s a real-world activity that reinforces to kids that stimulation is possible outside of digital realms.

3. Cool Down Bridge

To further help your child’s brain transition, try a cool down bridge — a short sensory ritual — to help soften the landing off devices. Some kids pace while listening to a favorite song, others stretch or splash cold water on their face. It doesn’t matter what the in-between activity is, only that it signals to the brain that it is time to switch gears to a calmer state.

🕹️ Read: An “Ethics Manual” for Your Teen’s Electronics

4. Collaborative Control Plans

Chances are that your teen doesn’t want to have meltdowns, either. When your child is calm, invite them to help you come up with a plan to transition away from screens and devices. Ask, “What would help you stop without becoming too upset?” or “How could we make this easier next time?” Ownership builds cooperation.

5. Dopamine Diversity Days

Make one day each week a screen-break day. Go hiking, cook together, build something, or play music. Try not to frame the day as a loss, but as something your family is gaining. Say, “We’re giving our brains a different kind of fuel today.”

6. Reclaim Dopamine Autonomy

The goal is not to eliminate games, screens, or content from your teen’s life. It is to help them understand what certain forms of content do to their brain, health, and ability to stay in control. You can appeal to your teen’s natural desire for autonomy by talking about digital tactics that are meant to hijack their decision-making:

“That streak is trying to trick your brain into FOMO.”

“That timer wants you to log back in.”

Celebrate when they skip a reward on purpose. Challenge them to see missing a “daily login” as proof of control.

7. Examine Your Own Brain Rot

Teen screen use is directly correlated with parental screen use.³ While you may not consume the same content as your child, it’s likely that your screen time could use some work. Set screen-free zones and times, such as during dinner or while doing homework. Try to keep devices out of bedrooms. Use timers and rituals to transition away from devices, too, (and make sure your child sees you doing so). Encourage ongoing, open conversations about screen use, its pros and cons, and its impact on mental health.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹ Su, C., Zhou, H., Gong, L., Teng, B., Geng, F., & Hu, Y. (2021). Viewing personalized video clips recommended by TikTok activates default mode network and ventral tegmental area. NeuroImage, 237, 118136. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2021.118136

² Nguyen, L., Walters, J., Paul, S., Monreal Ijurco, S., Rainey, G. E., Parekh, N., Blair, G., & Darrah, M. (2025). Feeds, feelings, and focus: A systematic review and meta-analysis examining the cognitive and mental health correlates of short-form video use. Psychological Bulletin, 151(9), 1125–1146. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000498

³ Nagata, J. M., Paul, A., Yen, F., Smith-Russack, Z., Shao, I. Y., Al-Shoaibi, A. A. A., Ganson, K. T., Testa, A., Kiss, O., He, J., & Baker, F. C. (2025). Associations between media parenting practices and early adolescent screen use. Pediatric Research, 97(1), 403–410. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41390-024-03243-y

Puberty wouldn’t be puberty without volatile mood swings. Hormonal changes vastly impact emotional dysregulation, and teens with ADHD are more sensitive to these changes.

Puberty influences the presentation of ADHD symptoms, and girls feel this acutely due to hormonal fluctuations through the menstrual cycle. Other realities of adolescence can further help you understand your child’s changing emotions.

1. Emotional reactivity is stimulating. From door slamming to yelling, big reactions are a sign that your teen’s brain is compensating for naturally lower baseline levels of dopamine.

No one makes great decisions when they’re emotionally triggered. This is especially true for teens with ADHD, who feel emotions strongly and can’t rely on fully developed brains to help them regulate and manage their reactions. De-escalating, or at least not further aggravating the situation, is key during tough moments. Validation goes a long way in helping teens find calm.

Get This Free Download: How Well Does Your Teen Regulate Emotions?

2. Context is important. Do emotions flare during transitions between activities, especially from a preferred activity, like playing video games, to a non-preferred activity, like homework? This is a classic ADHD difficulty, no doubt intensified by pubertal changes. Take note if moodiness occurs during periods when your child may be unmedicated, which may signal that they need more coverage.

Is your teen’s defiance and moodiness related to taking medication? If so, maybe they’re experiencing side effects that they haven’t told you about.

3. The teen years are stressful – period. Teens must navigate complicated school demands, social pressures, and an evolving internal world. This takes a toll. After a long day at school, few teens seek to further tax their brains with homework. They may prioritize being with friends or unwinding in other ways because that’s what teen brains are designed to do.

4. The adolescent brain likes to push boundaries. In this time of independence-building and exploration, teens may become more emotionally reactive, anxious, and avoidant when they don’t get to be in control.

Read: 5 Life Skills Every ADHD Teen Should Master

Oppositional behavior is to be expected, but understanding limits and learning to compromise are important parts of development. An appropriate expectation for a teen with ADHD might look like: “If you want to have your phone after school, you’ve got to take your medication every morning.”

5. Changes in sleep patterns may impact mood. Poor sleep impairs functioning and mood. Puberty impacts sleep, as teen brains are built for exploring and don’t necessarily want to settle down. Many teens are also sleep deprived; whether due to homework or excessive screen time, they go to bed late and then wake up early for school, and sometimes even earlier for sports practice and other extracurriculars.

6. Is moodiness persistent? Note changes to your teen’s moods throughout the day and across different settings. Loss of motivation, withdrawal, irritability, a loss in interest in things they used to enjoy, persistent worry, and other behaviors may point to depression or anxiety. Keep open lines of communication with your teen to help you understand the root of their behaviors and feelings. Professional counseling can help your teen develop coping skills and help you as a parent learn how to navigate difficult behaviors.

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “ADHD and Puberty: How Hormones Shape Behavior and Mental Health in Adolescents [Video Replay & Podcast #558] with Paul Mitrani, M.D., Ph.D., which was broadcast on May 15, 2025.

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What’s Happening with the ACT?

In response to the digital overhaul of the SAT in 2024, the ACT recently launched a major update with these changes:

• Test duration dropped from three hours to just over two hours
• Fewer questions and more time per question
• Science section is now optional
• Digital or paper testing available

In modernizing its test, the ACT also introduced some uncertainty, especially for students with ADHD, who thrive on routine and clear expectations. While the real-world impact of the digital test remains uncertain, the ACT has endeavored to help students prepare by releasing updated resources, including a free full-length practice test. This is a helpful step forward, but some students may still find it challenging to build confidence without the wealth of prep materials and testing history that come with a more established format.

Why Scores Still Matter

While many colleges are still test-optional, some (like Georgetown University, Dartmouth, and Florida’s and Georgia’s public universities, to name a few) now require scores again. Enrollment data at a growing list of selective schools shows that most enrolled students submitted SAT or ACT scores on their applications, which placed them in a “test preferred” category.

[Read: 4 Hallmarks of ADHD-Supportive Colleges]

A solid score can help offset lower grades or an uneven academic record. That said, truly test-optional schools are still a good fit for some students, especially if testing is a major hurdle, even with accommodations. The key is to be strategic.

Every student is different, especially with it comes to focus, motivation, and collegiate goals. While not every teen needs to submit scores, I recommend that most students prepare for and take at least one college entrance exam.

That said, I know that test prep can feel overwhelming and/or unnecessary. Taking a low-pressure mock SAT, like the one available for free on the College Board’s Bluebook app, is a great way to gauge whether standardized testing is a good fit.

[Read: The College Survival Guide for Students with ADHD]

If your teen does well and feels confident after the experience, you may want to continue down the SAT path. If now, the ACT might be a better match. In either case, it’s important to allow plenty of time to test the waters.

Plan and Prep Early

For students with weak executive function skills, we do not recommend prepping alone with a test prep book, or even in a group setting. It’s easy to lose focus, miss key strategies, or feel overwhelmed without individualized guidance and structure.

An experienced tutor who understands how to work with teens with ADHD can improve focus, increase testing stamina, and target the areas where they need the most support.

Given all the turbulence in college admissions testing, it’s important to have a clear plan in place, especially for 9th and 10th graders. So do the following:

• Start now. Don’t wait until next fall to figure it out.
• Secure testing accommodations early because the process takes time.
• Stay flexible. If one test doesn’t feel like the right fit, it’s okay to pivot.

Above all, remember that the “right college” is the one that meets your child where they are and powers them forward.

Should I Take the SAT?: Next Steps

• Read: College Accommodations Aren’t Like High School Accommodations
• Read: When ADHD Meets the SAT
• Read: 7 Ways to Boost Your SAT Score

Ann Dolin, M.Ed., is founder and president of Educational Connections in Alexandria, Virginia.

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RSD wouldn’t be RSD if it didn’t alter people’s perceptions. This is precisely how it functions and multiplies. A sideways glance or a mumbled response can trigger a misinterpretation that leads to an exaggerated response. Either way, with RSD, real or perceived rejection and disapproval cause extreme emotional pain.

When somebody fears rejection, they scan for signs of it everywhere. They misinterpret social cues, and then try to protect themselves by avoiding provocative situations. Curiously, they may even act in ways that increase the likelihood of rejection, assuming it’s inevitable.

If you are anticipating emotional upheaval at all times, your perception is bound to become distorted. Teens with ADHD are especially likely to misperceive situations and react strongly to events that may not truly warrant a response.

Follow these steps to help your teen understand and manage RSD.

Broaden the Scope

Approach your teen about RSD when she’s calm. Say, “I heard a talk about this thing that might be related to our family.” (If one family member has ADHD, chances are that others in your immediate family also have ADHD and could benefit from this information.)

Then explain that there is nothing wrong with feeling things deeply. When she feels pained by a situation, validate her feelings and ask questions. This will help her think critically about what happened and, perhaps, re-evaluate her sense of the situation.

Encourage her to discuss her thoughts with someone outside the situation who can offer a more neutral perspective.

Understand Triggers

To improve your teen’s ability to handle RSD, help her plan ahead:

• What situations trigger her, and how does she know she’s becoming upset?
• What are the signs of discomfort?
• What can she do to create distance and slow down when she feels upset? Perhaps go for a walk, take some deep breaths, or say a few calming phrases?

Support Working Memory

Individuals with strong working memory are less reactive to events and more capable of accurately assessing emotional situations than those with relatively weak working memory. Help your teen learn to externalize information, avoid multitasking, and repeat instructions back to you to build this skill. Work with her to recall successful responses to distressing situations from the past and brainstorm how to apply these in the present or the future.

This article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar, “Big Kids, Big Emotions: Helping Teens with ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Improve Emotional Regulation [Video Replay & Podcast #563] with Sharon Saline, Psy.D., which was broadcast on June 11, 2025.

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Puberty and ADHD: Article Contents

• The Biology of Puberty
• How Hormonal Changes Drive Behavior
• The Role of ADHD Medications
• Supporting Teens Through Puberty

Puberty is a hurricane of emotional, physical, behavioral, and social changes — and ADHD is the undercurrent that fuels its strength and intensity.

Already prone to impulsivity and intense emotional reactions, teens with ADHD experience higher highs and lower lows while their brains continue to develop in puberty. Hormonal changes in boys and girls, we now know, can significantly alter ADHD symptoms and responses to treatment, creating a perfect storm that demands specialized understanding and support.

The Biology of Puberty

Puberty is powered by a complex interplay of biological and environmental factors.

Major Hormonal Changes: Hormonal pathways activate the production of estrogen and progesterone in females, and testosterone in males. Aside from ensuring sexual maturation, these hormones act on the brain, organizing neural circuits to create long-lasting functional and structural changes that impact behavior.

Novelty and Thrill-Seeking: Adolescent brains also undergo synaptic pruning, the refinement of neural connections to increase brain efficiency. In other words, teen brains are primed to learn, which is part of the reason we see increased novelty and thrill-seeking, identity exploration, and boundary-pushing. Even sleep patterns change in puberty partly because the brain resists stagnation. But the quest for new experiences can also lead to poor decision-making and other challenges.

Dopamine Rush: The thrill-seeking drive of adolescents is partly tied to dopamine, the neurotransmitter that plays a key role in cognition, motivation, pleasure, and reward. Though their baseline levels of dopamine are relatively low, teens’ responses to stimuli or rewards exceed those of adults’. This combination is particularly concerning for teens with ADHD, who already struggle with impulsivity and are at greater risk for substance use disorder and other addictive, sensory-seeking behaviors.

Learning and Growing: While the adolescent brain is primed for learning, it’s only about 80 percent matured. The prefrontal cortex, which directs judgment, reasoning, impulse control, emotional regulation, and decision-making, develops more slowly in ADHD brains. This exacerbates regulation issues.

Reward Over Risk: During adolescence, the ventral striatum, involved in motor control, learning, reward processing, and some decision-making, tends to dominate. This part of the brain focuses on immediate rewards rather than future outcomes, leading teens to prioritize rewards over risks. So, while teens understand risks, they are no match for the prospect of rewards, which light up an eager brain.

Read: How ADHD Impacts Adolescents

Precocious Puberty

Children who mature earlier or later than their peers may encounter confusing social expectations as they are treated in a way that is older or younger than they are, and as they (and others) compare their bodies to peers’. In central precocious puberty, puberty strikes early and floods a still-developing, young brain with hormones before key emotional, cognitive, and other neural circuits have matured. This mismatch, whereby the body develops faster than the brain is ready for, increases the risk for depression, anxiety, and other conditions, especially in girls.¹

It’s important to watch for signs of early puberty, like acne, pubic hair, and increased body odor before age 10. Breast development before age 8 and menstruation before age 10 are also signs, as is testicular enlargement in boys before age 9. Hormone-suppressing medications can temporarily delay puberty and allow a child to reach a more appropriate age so that their bodies and minds align better for pubertal changes.

How Hormonal Changes Drive Behavior

The onset of menstruation brings monthly fluctuations in estrogen levels, which influences dopamine activity. High estrogen levels increase dopamine activity, which improves cognitive function and emotional regulation. Conversely, the perimenstrual decline in estrogen results in decreased dopamine activity, lowering cognitive function and attention.

These fluctuations are significant in the context of ADHD. High-estrogen states stimulate the prefrontal cortex, enhancing control over the limbic system, or the emotional nervous system, and improving symptom control all around. In low-estrogen states, the prefrontal cortex is understimulated, which often translates to poorer regulation, impulse control, and mood, and a worsening of ADHD symptoms.²

Understimulation may also drive the brain to seek stimulation in other ways, like through big reactions and impulsivity. Lower estrogen levels also impair executive function, attention, and memory.

Hormonal fluctuations can affect ADHD symptoms to such a degree that some girls may only meet diagnostic criteria at certain points during their menstrual cycle. ADHD symptoms may also overlap with depression or anxiety, which commonly emerge in adolescence, emphasizing the need for differential diagnoses and holistic treatments.

Progesterone, secreted alongside estrogen to regulate the menstrual cycle and ovulation, protects dopamine neurons but decreases dopamine activity in the prefrontal cortex. Even if estrogen levels rise slightly post-ovulation during the luteal phase, progesterone can negate its positive effects on attention and hyperactivity symptoms.

Testosterone, the primary male sex hormone, also influences dopamine activity by increasing dopamine turnover and release in response to rewarding stimuli. Though ADHD-specific research is limited, studies show that testosterone can heighten impulsivity and risk-taking behaviors, which many boys with ADHD already struggle with.

Read: Hormonal Changes & ADHD — A Lifelong Tug-of-War

The Role of ADHD Medications

As puberty invariably influences ADHD symptoms, some teens may require treatment with medication for the first time and others may benefit from adjustments. ADHD medication use is particularly important at this stage because it reduces the risk for addiction and risky behaviors such as unsafe driving and unprotected sex.

Prepare to Adjust: For teens already taking medication, adjustments may be necessary to meet changing symptoms, physical growth, and other factors. The increased demands of school, extracurriculars, and social activities may mean longer days, requiring more medication coverage, for example.

If a teen is no longer responding adequately to methylphenidate, switching to an amphetamine may help. While both types of stimulants help recycle dopamine in the brain, amphetamines increase dopamine release, which could lead to more powerful effects.

The Role of Non-Stimulants: Not everyone responds optimally to stimulant medication. Non-stimulants like atomoxetine and alpha agonists may help. Atomoxetine reaches a steady level in the body that lasts throughout the day, providing more even symptom coverage. These medications are also often used for teens who have trouble sleeping or who have difficulty managing symptoms in the morning when their stimulant hasn’t yet activated.

Hormonal Status Matters: For some girls, a medication’s efficacy depends on their hormonal status. For example, girls respond better to stimulants right before ovulation, when estrogen and dopamine are high and progesterone is low. Estrogen may prime the brain to respond better to stimulants, particularly amphetamines. When estrogen is low, an increased dose of stimulants can improve symptoms without increased side effects.³

Compared to boys, girls report a stronger effect from short-acting methylphenidate earlier in the day, but it also wears off much sooner,⁴ , a phenomenon potentially explained by daily estrogen fluctuations. This suggests that girls may benefit more from long-acting stimulant formulations. Atomoxetine also appears to produce a greater effect on girls’ emotional regulation, hyperactivity, and impulsivity compared to boys.⁵

When adjusting the ADHD medication, dosage, or timing isn’t enough to counteract the impact of hormonal fluctuations, especially around periods, birth control medications and other interventions to help modulate the hormonal cycle may be warranted.

Supporting Teens Through Puberty

Understanding how puberty impacts mental health and behavior is key to supporting adolescents with ADHD through this time of transition. Consider doing the following:

• Keep communication open. Share this article and others at additu.de/adhd-teens to help your adolescent better understand the impact of hormones on ADHD.
• Establish expectations. Set limits and privileges to serve as much-needed guardrails to offset impulsivity and help regulate behaviors.
• Foster self-regulation. Practice delaying gratification to help teens exercise better control over stimulation-seeking behaviors.
• Validate feelings. Teens face enormous social pressures and expectations related to school, identity, body image, relationships, and more. Fluctuating hormones add to these challenges. Listening to your teen as they express their feelings and letting them know their experiences are understandable can promote calm and regulation.

Paul Mitrani, M.D., Ph.D., is the medical director and senior child and adolescent psychiatrist at Child Mind Institute.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

^{1 Graber J. A. (2013). Pubertal timing and the development of psychopathology in adolescence and beyond. Hormones and Behavior, 64(2), 262–269. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.yhbeh.2013.04.003}

^{2 Peters, J. R., Schmalenberger, K. M., Eng, A. G., Stumper, A., Martel, M. M., & Eisenlohr-Moul, T. A. (2025). Dimensional affective sensitivity to hormones across the menstrual cycle (DASH-MC): A transdiagnostic framework for ovarian steroid influences on psychopathology. Molecular Psychiatry, 30(1), 251–262. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-024-02693-4}

^{3 de Jong, M., Wynchank, D. S. M. R., van Andel, E., Beekman, A. T. F., & Kooij, J. J. S. (2023). Female-specific pharmacotherapy in ADHD: premenstrual adjustment of psychostimulant dosage. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 14, 1306194. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1306194}

^{4 Sonuga-Barke, E. J. S., Coghill, D., Markowitz, J. S., Swanson, J. M., Vandenberghe, M., & Hatch, S. J. (2007). Sex differences in the response of children with ADHD to once-daily formulations of methylphenidate. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 46(6), 701–710. https://doi.org/10.1097/chi.0b013e31804659f1}

^{5 Kok, F. M., Groen, Y., Fuermaier, A. B. M., & Tucha, O. (2020). The female side of pharmacotherapy for ADHD-A systematic literature review. PloS One, 15(9), e0239257. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0239257}

A 14-year-old team captain who fights with his younger sibling as if he were 6 himself.

A 12-year-old with plenty of friends who forgets basic hygiene like brushing teeth or showering.

These are just a few ways that the gap between chronological age and developmental age shows up in youth with ADHD – a mismatch that leaves many parents bewildered.

ADHD, like autism or a learning disability, is a neurodevelopmental disorder. In plain terms, it means that your child may not always “act their age.” It’s why your child keeps pace with peers or even excels in some areas but falls well behind in others. The gap feels especially troubling as demands (and their consequences) balloon over time. Your child may be chronologically ready to get their driver’s license or go away to college, for instance, but they may not be developmentally ready.

You’re not the only one who sees the mismatch. Your child likely sees and feels it, too. For many children and teens with ADHD, the gap between their abilities and their peers’ often drives self-esteem challenges. It can deflate motivation, cause them to withdraw, and prompt them give up trying for fear of doing it wrong. Helping your child understand this temporary delay while building hope for their future can make a tremendous difference.

As your child continues to mature, use these tips to meet them where they are, support their independence, and help them reach their full potential.

[Read: What Parents Misunderstand About Executive Function]

1. Identify Your “Shoulds”

• Stop yourself when do you find yourself thinking, “My child should be able to do ___.”
• Ask: What are some expectations that you, your child’s school, or coach are maintaining, and your teen is not consistently meeting?
• Consider: If you subtracted a few years from your child’s age, would their behavior or skill level appear more appropriate?

“Shoulds” are cognitive thinking traps that fuel frustration and burnout and may even break family ties. Remember that studies suggest youth with developmental differences may function one to three years behind their peers in emotional regulation, impulse control, social awareness, and other areas. While your child may strive to be on the same page as others, the reality is different. It’s more productive to focus on adjusting expectations and building skills.

So if you find yourself thinking: He should know better than to miss assignments. He should always turn them in on time in middle school.

Try to think: It makes sense that this is hard for him. Although he is 13, his brain is working more like a 9- or 10-year-old on this skill. I’ll keep this in mind and work with him to figure out how I or school can help.

2. Create a Pathway for Success

Adjusting expectations doesn’t mean lowering them. You are meeting your child at their current maximum capacity and still nudging them forward. With that in mind, what would your child need to learn or do to develop lagging skills? What’s your role in supporting them, and who can help you?

[Read: How Can I Help My Teen Adopt a Growth Mindset?]

Be reasonable with yourself and what you can be expected to do as a parent vs. what would be the role of a teacher or support person.  If turning in assignments on time is an issue, can you scaffold with visual reminders, checklists, routines, and other supports? Can a teacher provide reminders or assist with a daily planner?  Loop your child into these conversations so they feel part of their growth.

If your child is working toward an activity they’re not developmentally ready for, like driving, provide clear guidelines and timelines for what you need to see from them to reach this goal. Remind your teen that it’s not that they’re forbidden from the activity; they just can’t do it “yet” — a tremendous difference for teens with ADHD and self-esteem challenges.

3. Where Does Your Child Shine?

Catch and reward moments of growth, and be sure to recognize your child’s efforts, not just outcomes. At the same time, ensure that your child has ample opportunity to participate in activities where they shine, like a sport or a hobby, to remind them of what their capabilities.

Let your child face small challenges independently and think like a coach; too much rescuing can reinforce anxiety and low self-esteem. Teach your child that moments of discomfort are learning opportunities that help them grow into the person they want to be. (Even better, model what you do when you face tough moments.)

Reassure your child that everyone develops at their own pace. As for yourself, know that many kids with ADHD “catch up” in maturity in young adulthood. Parenting a child with ADHD is not easy — and neither is being one.  But with greater understanding of your child’s development, you can give them the compassion and space to develop at their own pace.

ADHD and Developmental Age: Next Steps

• Free Download: Boost Your Teen’s Executive Functions
• Read: How to Measure Your Child’s ‘Real Age’
• Read: How to Vanquish a Child’s Low Self-Esteem

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FREE UPCOMING WEBINAR
Click here to register for “Top ADHD Challenges (and Solutions) for Teen Boys” with Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S., on July 30 at 1 pm ET.

Does your child or teen with ADHD chronically underestimate the amount of time needed to complete assignments? Do they suffer cognitive overload and freeze up when projects seemingly explode in complexity? Does this lead to anxiety, tears, and/or missed deadlines?

If so, we feel your pain — and your desire to start this new school year meeting the executive function challenges of ADHD head on. To that end, this webinar will explain how to teach and practice the skill of time estimation, using visual aids and timers for support. It will demonstrate how to break assignments into small parts, and how to create an environment that is conducive to initiating a homework routine. Finally, it will detail what a parent can do when their child is overwhelmed by schoolwork, or when the assignments are too difficult.

In this webinar, caregivers and educators will learn:

• Why students with ADHD have time-management and other executive function challenges that lead to homework resistance
• How auditory processing skills manifest in the classroom and may hamper learning
• How to get kids started on the right foot at the beginning of the new school year, including establishing routines
• How to teach and practice time estimation and other strategies to help kids start and complete homework
• How to use visual aids, reminders, timers, and planners for students at different grade levels
• How to help kids with homework and worksheets that have too many sets of directions
• Scripts for talking with teachers if a student isn’t keeping up or needs help

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO

Time-Management Skills for Students : Resources

• • • Free Download: Executive Dysfunctions in the Classroom
    • Read: The ADHD Homework System We Swear By
    • Read: 15 Tips for Reducing Homework Stress & Completion Time
    • Read: 10 Ways to Improve Your Teen’s Executive Skills
      

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on September 4, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Beverley Holden Johns is an author and learning and behavior consultant. She has more than 30 years’ experience in the public school system working with students with learning disabilities and emotional/behavioral disorders.

She also was a Professional Fellow at MacMurray College. She is the author or co-author of 23 books in the field of special education, including the seminal book, Learning Disabilities and Related Mild Disabilities (#CommissionsEarned). She currently serves on the board of directors of the Learning Disabilities Association of America and is the President of the Learning Disabilities Association of Illinois.
#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

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Teen boys with ADHD can be charming, funny, and a delight to be around. Other times, they can be gruff and defiant, not unlike neurotypical teen boys. But defiance and emotional volatility can (and often do) escalate in intensity and frequency in teen boys with ADHD. These volatile behaviors often leave caregivers frustrated, tired, and powerless at the same time their sons require more support and guidance than ever before.

In this webinar, Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S., will share practical strategies for fostering open communication and mutual respect. Learn how to partner with your teen to navigate the ups and downs of adolescence and help them grow into the capable, compassionate adults we know they can be.

In this webinar you will learn:

• • About the common struggles associated with raising teen boys with ADHD, including power struggles, and how caregivers can engage in cooperative problem-solving.
  • How to address and create safe spaces to support your teen during episodes of anger and emotional dysregulation.
  • How to talk with your teen about the role of toxic online influencers, including those who push misogynistic views.
  • How to talk with your son about risky behaviors, and how to respond when they push back on your concerns.
  • Scripts to help you talk with your teen about video games and screen use, as well as ideas for how to help them manage or decrease their usage.
  • How to create stronger bonds with your teen boy.

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO

Challenges and Solutions for ADHD Boys: Resources

• • • Free Download: Evaluate Your Teen’s Emotional Control
    • Read: ADHD Symptoms in Teens: Your Guide to Warning Signs & Treatments for Adolescents
    • Read: ADHD in Teens: How Symptoms Manifest as Unique Challenges for Adolescents and Young Adults
    • Read: Conduct Disorder in Teens with ADHD: Signs, Symptoms, Interventions

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on DATE, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S., is the producer and host of the ADHD Essentials Podcast, an internationally recognized ADHD/Executive Function expert, and an engaging, sought-after speaker. He helps individuals, families, schools, and businesses manage the challenges of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder through an approach that blends education, collaborative problem-solving, and accountability with compassion, humor, and a focus on strengths and growth.

Webinar Sponsor

Brain Balance helps kids, teens and adults with ADHD, learning differences, anxiety & more through our integrative cognitive development and brain wellness program. Our approach combines cognitive, physical and sensory training with nutritional guidance to strengthen and build brain connectivity without the use of medication. Stronger connections translate to improved attention, behaviors, and social-emotional well-being. www.brainbalancecenters.com

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
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As adolescence sets in, the behavior approaches of elementary school lose their power. Parents need new strategies to effectively guide their teens with ADHD through the social and executive function challenges of middle and high school.

The first step: Understand how impairments can lead to serious social and academic problems. Then: Research and explore specific services developed for adolescents with ADHD that have been shown to deliver short- and long-term benefits. Here, caregivers and teachers can learn how to apply these strategies in unique situations.

In this webinar you will learn:

• • Why youth with ADHD typically have problems with academic and social functioning
  • The approaches for improving the social and academic functioning of adolescents with ADHD that research suggests are most promising
  • Ideas for how to apply the evidence-based approaches to unique problematic areas
  • Strategies for effectively approaching educators with requests for useful services

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO

Social Skills for Teens with ADHD : Resources

• • • Free Download: Free Guide to Improving Your Students’ Social Skills
    • Read: The Social Executive Function Skills That Elude Kids with ADHD
    • Read: Build Your Child’s Social Skills in 7 Steps
    • Read: 10 Ways to Improve Your Teen’s Executive Skills

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on July 24, 2025, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Steven W. Evans, Ph.D., is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Co-Director of the Center for Intervention Research in Schools at Ohio University. He was one of the first to develop psychosocial treatments for adolescents with ADHD and his primary focus was school-based interventions. He developed the Challenging Horizons Program including Interpersonal Skills Training and Organization Training and research suggests that these are some of the most effective approaches for adolescents with ADHD. Dr. Evans’ work focuses on the intersection of science and practice and consistently involves parents and educators who contribute to the research. 

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Play | Amazon Music | RadioPublic | Pocket Casts | iHeartRADIO | Audacy

If these tired (but undying) parenting tropes trigger a hidden rage or sadness, you might have a child with ADHD. Because, no, every day should not be held dear. And some moments can’t pass by quickly enough. And accelerated maturation is typically not the problem.

The truth is that most parenting advice is bad advice for the parents of children with ADHD. Our circumstances are complicated and the solutions that work for everyone else typically just make us feel bad about ourselves. So, what does help?

[Free Download: Cheat Sheet of ADHD Discipline Strategies]

In a recent ADDitude survey, 177 parents recommended the resources that work for them — from helpful books to online tools produced by experts in the field. The tools are varied, but one benefit was universal: feeling heard, validated, and supported regarding the real, pervasive challenges associated with parenting a child with ADHD.

Readers’ most recommended books for parents included the following:

• Understanding Girls with ADHD by Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D.; Patricia Quinn, M.D.; and Ellen Littman, Ph.D.
• The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damour, Ph.D.
• The ADHD Empowerment Guide by James Forgan, Ph.D. and Mary Anne Richey
• Mindful Parenting for ADHD by Mark Bertin, M.D.
• Raising Girls Who Like Themselves by Kasey Edwards
• Gifted and Distractible by Julie F. Skolnick, MA, JD.
• What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Sharon Saline, Psy.D.
• 14 Talks Before Age 14 by Michelle Icard
• The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine, Ph.D.
• How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis, LPC

[Free Parenting Guide for Moms and Dads with ADHD]

Still other parents recommended Jessica McCabe’s YouTube channel “How to ADHD,” and Ryan Wexelblatt’s “ADHD Dude” website.

Popular podcasts included the following:

• “Beautifully Complex” by Penny Williams
• “Calm Parenting” by Kirk Martin
• “ADHD Experts” by ADDitude

More Parenting Books and Resources Recommended by ADDitude Readers

“I think what I’ve appreciated the most is stories from experts and parents who are neurodivergent and have a child that is neurodivergent. It gives me a sense of being seen and heard.”

“ADDitude podcasts have really helped, as did CHADD’s Baltimore conference a few years ago. The ‘ADHD Rewired’ podcast has helped. On Instagram, @adhd_love has really helped me to laugh and to feel compassion for myself and neurodivergent family members. All of these resources have helped me to have a better understanding of myself and my children — and to feel greater acceptance, patience, and compassion toward us all.”

“I started listening to the ‘ADHD Chatter’ podcast soon after I was diagnosed, and I found that listening to the experiences of others helped me find my new identity. Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley, Ph.D., was written specifically for parents of ADHD children and has served as a blueprint for how we parent. ADDA, CHADD, and ADDitude publish resources that have been extremely helpful in how we organize our lives, how we practice self-care, how we work to regulate our emotions for a more stable home, and so on.”

“I love the book ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka. Knowing about myself helps me to know how I can help my daughter.”

“The ‘Weirds of a Feather’ podcast makes me feel like I’m talking to people that really know me and what I’m going through.”

“Unique by Jodi Rodgers has been amazing for helping me to learn to accept my kid’s ADHD and autistic behavior. It helped me see that many of these behaviors are more normal than I thought. It also made me think more about what drives the behavior…. The Glass House by Anne Buist and Graeme Simsion was also great. We have a lot of food aversions, and this book was the first one that made me realize that my child’s mental health is just as important, if not more so, than eating healthy food…. This book made me realize that my anger and frustration are causing more damage to my son’s mental stress than the physical damage of eating whatever he wants.”

“When we first started this part of our journey, I really enjoyed TiLT Parenting because it helped to normalize our experiences and also gave us (and our kids) language to describe the experience. We also got a lot of ideas to try together, and it was normalized that things that might work today, might not work tomorrow. At the height of my eldest son’s symptoms at the start of middle school as we were working toward getting him set up with help to succeed, we used a lot of tips and tools from Seth Perler’s vlog/website. I also have used information I’ve learned in the Executive Function Online Summit that he presents to support my children, myself, and youth I work with in the community.”

“Dr. Russell Barkley’s podcasts and videos prompted me to ask: Is the child’s behavior deliberate or beyond their control? When I asked this question to myself, it helped to step back and observe first.”

“As a parent of a child with ADHD and a psychologist who diagnoses ADHD and other differences, I get a lot of use out of All Dogs Have ADHD by Kathy Hoopmann. The photographs of the dogs are fun and engaging for readers of all ages, and the message of the book is empathetic and strengths based. It opens the door to good conversations about what features of ADHD show up for the unique child, and which don’t. In this way, sharing the book with the child helps foster self-awareness and solidarity with the many others who are neurodivergent in this way. I love it!”

“Dr. Russ Barkley’s 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD is a short, no-nonsense, realistic guide. For me, hearing ‘It’s not a knowledge problem; it’s a production problem’ was very insightful.”

“I enjoy The Calm Parenting podcast. I have a strong-willed neurodivergent daughter who challenges med on a daily basis — and drains my energy. This podcast really helps me understand her and work with her. I also like the perspective that my neurodivergent kid needs to be treated like junior employees. This helps fights the inclination to yell, shame, and tell of. But instead to help them succeed, guide them, support them and decision to trust their judgement sometimes :-)”

“Mona Delahooke’s books on brain-body parenting have been a real eye-opener for us regarding how our and our kids’ bodies react in different situations and how to work with that. I really appreciate her down-to-earth approach, plain language, and compassion.”

“The book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Dr. Sharon Saline and Dr. Laura Markham emphasizes how kids with ADHD basically spend their entire school day facing negative feedback and encourages parents to keep that in mind when you want to provide even more negative feedback to your child.”

“Discipline without Damage by Dr. Vanessa Lapointe is a great book for parenting in general. The same principles can be applied to ADHD. It even has a section on exceptional (neurodivergent) kids.”

“Your Child is Not Broken by Heidi Mavir. I found it refreshing to get a perspective of a real mom advocating for her child and the teen’s perspective.”

Parenting Books and Resources for ADHD Families: Next Steps

• Listen: The Power of Behavioral Parent Training for ADHD
• Read: How to Deal with Anger From Your Child
• Access: Free Parenting Guide for Caregivers with ADHD

SUPPORT ADDITUDE

Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication

A: Young people, and particularly neurodivergent students, should absolutely explore and question whether they’re truly ready for college. During the COVID-19 pandemic, we saw a dramatic rise in the number of students who deferred their college admissions and took a gap year. It was a good option then, and it remains a good option now for many.

A gap year refers to a period of time, typically after graduating from high school and before starting college, when a student takes a break from formal education to pursue activities like volunteering, working, or traveling.

[Q: How Do I Know If My Teen Is Really Ready for College?]

When we think about whether a gap year is right for a student, we look at several factors:

• Academic readiness: Is the student excited to tackle college course material or do they feel burned out?
• Motivational readiness: Is the student driven to live on their own and manage the rigors of college? Are they emotionally prepared for an environment that is less structured than high school?
• Self-regulation: Does the student have a healthy sleep routine and lifestyle? Are they taking their medication on their own? If unmonitored, will they be on their devices all the time, interfering with their ability to study?

[Q: Is My Teen Taking the Easy Way Out by Deferring College?]

I would approach the conversation with your teen from a strengths-based perspective and frame the gap year as an advantage. You might say: “You are very capable of doing well and succeeding in college. I want to make sure that you reach your full potential. Taking a gap year is not about delaying college. It is about setting you up for long-term success in your future career and life. We are not derailing your college plans; we are just finding an alternate way to get there. With this extra time, you will be in a stronger position to achieve your career goals and make the most of your education.”

If you are financially supporting their college education, you could add: “College is a significant investment, and I want to make sure it is money well spent. You have so much potential, and this extra time will help you maximize your experience.”

Invite your teen into the conversation and acknowledge their concerns, especially if they’re worried about what others might think. Reassure them that, in the long run, a gap year can position them for greater success.

Gap Year Decisions: Next Steps:

• Read: Gap Year Programs for ADHD Students
• Watch: “Gap Year Pros and Cons for Neurodivergent Students”
• Read: The 4-Year College Track is Not Right for Everyone

Carolyn Jeppsen is CEO and co-founder of BroadFutures, a nonprofit created to fund internships for neurodivergent youth.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.