Do you check out when demands or tensions escalate?

Or do you tend to add fuel to the fire during conflict?

Each and every one of us plays a role in our family. The dances we intuitively fall into when stress hits are often inspired by a primal drive for self-preservation and (though it may not always seem like it) balance.

Our commitment to unspoken familial roles can keep us locked in negative cycles and strain relationships, explained Tamara Rosier, Ph.D., during her ADDitude webinar, “Family Dynamics and ADHD: Challenging Generational Patterns and Power Struggles.”

Here are three takeaways from Dr. Rosier’s webinar to help you understand your go-to family role and how to break dysfunctional patterns.

1. Families are Systems. Stress Causes Imbalance In the System.

Families are systems designed to restore balance, reduce threat, and protect connection. Stress of all kinds — be it coping with a family member’s illness or trying to get everyone out the door in time for school and work — causes imbalance in the system. ADHD and its associated challenges — from emotional dysregulation and RSD to executive dysfunction — can amplify the family stress that causes this imbalance.

2. ADHD Families Tend to Organize Around Four Roles.

• Overfunctioner: The one who takes over, fixes, manages, and anticipates
• Underfunctioner: The one who pulls back, avoids, freezes, or disengages
• Peacemaker: The one who smooths tension, mediates, minimizes, and absorbs
• Intensifier: The one who escalates emotion, raises the urgency or volume of a situation, and calls things out

We don’t all play the same role all the time. We may be the overfunctioner in one situation and the underfunctioner in another. When one role activates, so does another.

Where do ADDitude readers fall? According to a poll of about 700 live webinar participants…

• Overfunctioner: 48%
• Peacemaker: 26%
• Intensifier: 11%
• Underfunctioner: 10%
• Other: 5%

3. It’s Possible to Change Your Patterns.

Roles beget reactionary roles. If you hope for your child to assume responsibility and achieve independence, for example, you need to challenge your own Overfunctioner tendencies.

Change starts with understanding your default role. Ask yourself: What do you do under stress? What feels most familiar?

• Overfunctioner? Pause and ask yourself, “What part of this is actually mine to manage?” Try asking a clarifying question instead of offering a solution.
• Underfunctioner? Replace disappearing with one visible, low-effort action. Think: I can’t do everything, but I can do this one piece.
• Peacemaker? Recognize that your urge to calm situations comes from anxiety. The next time your family undergoes stress (say, an argument between members), name the tension in your head without attempting to resolve it.
• Intensifier? Your message is important, but it’s often not heard due to the volume and timing of your delivery. Your message may land better, for example, during a quieter moment.

Note: Shifting from your go-to role to healthier patterns will take work, but it’s worth it. Anticipate pushback along the way, as not all families respond well to change. Remember that while you can’t control your family, you can control how you respond to events.

Family Relationships and ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: Activity Ideas for ADHD Families
• Read: Family Dynamics on ADHD — 5 Rules for Dealing with Relatives’ Judgment
• Read: Did You Grow Up with Emotionally Immature Parents?

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

But structure and boundaries are important for any child, especially one who has ADHD and is prone to boredom. As the school year winds down, start thinking about summer guardrails and expectations that will benefit your child. As a family, discuss these boundaries (think chores and video game limits) and set up an environment to promote desired activities (like borrowing books from the library or playing board games that keep math skills fresh).

Consider these strategies as you develop your summer plan:

1. Save the best for last.

Have your child do chores, academic work, and other “non-preferred” activities during peak focus periods. Reserve fun activities — video games, sports, friend time —for later in the day to teach kids with ADHD to persist.

2. Give kids a choice.

Offering options reduces friction, gives your child control, and encourages cooperation. Provide a menu of activity choices for their morning, afternoon, and evening blocks.

Teens with ADHD need even more choice and control. As summer begins, discuss what you want them to accomplish (e.g., college essay drafts, volunteering) and what they’d like to do or get in return. This might be an extended curfew, a higher allowance, or more friend time, for example. Establish check-in dates to monitor their progress.

3. Know the upside of downtime.

Don’t feel pressured to fill every moment of your child’s summer schedule. Occasional understimulation is beneficial in today’s era of constant stimulation, especially for impulsive, sensory-sensitive children.

4. Prepare a meltdown kit.

Outbursts don’t take summer breaks. Big emotions will decrease as your child’s emotional regulation matures, but you can prepare for them by:

• Remaining calm. It may not seem like it, but your child looks to you for guidance on navigating emotions.
• Staying firm. Meltdowns are ways for children to get adults to reshuffle the deck and present more favorable options. Avoid giving in. Instead, stay with your child’s big emotions. Validate their feelings. Say, “I know it’s hard to stop playing video games and get ready for bed.”
• Developing a pre-meltdown plan. Ask your child, “What should you do when you feel upset?” Keep their answers in an easy-to-see place, along with a list of calming strategies like deep breathing, taking a drink of water, stepping away, or listening to music.
• Delivering consequences. Reserve timeouts and privilege losses for serious behaviors like hitting or throwing. Communicate your rules ahead of time so your child isn’t caught by surprise.

5. Enforce screen time rules.

Ask your child about their favorite apps or games to spark conversations about smart technology use. Incorporate screen time practically and with reasonable limits.

Once you’ve set boundaries for your kids over the summer, think about ways to make space for your own rest and self-compassion — so you can show up as your best self for your children.

Dave Anderson, Ph.D., is a senior psychologist at the Child Mind Institute’s ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sometimes, all of that helps.

Often, it doesn’t.

Having knowledge doesn’t mean that I have endless patience or perfect regulation. Having ADHD means that I struggle with impulse control — like snapping at my children to stop drumming on everything because the noise is overwhelming, even though I know that movement is how they regulate and avoid sensory overload.

It looks like getting frustrated when my child is time blind and late for school for the hundredth time — while I’m also scrambling, overwhelmed, and trying to get myself together in the morning.

When both parent and child are dysregulated, the gap between what you know and what you can do feels enormous. And that gap fills quickly with shame, guilt, and regret —wondering why you can’t be the calm, capable parent your child needs, especially when you “should know better.”

💡 Free Download! A Survival Guide for Parents with ADHD

But parenting a child with ADHD when you have ADHD isn’t about getting it right or having it all figured out. It’s about building a relationship that can hold imperfection, honesty, and repair. Some days will be hard. Some moments will still unravel. But when we name our needs, laugh at our shared quirks, and meet overwhelm with compassion instead of shame, something shifts: ADHD stops being a problem to manage and becomes a natural part of the family dynamic.

Here are four parenting shifts that have made all the difference in my family.

1. Honor your limits. It’s not about trying to be regulated all the time — it’s about learning to notice when I’m not. When I pause, name my limits, and step away before I’m flooded, I’m better able to support my children without shame or reactivity. Taking care of myself first isn’t selfish; it’s preventative.

2. Be transparent. I’ve learned the power of being transparent with my kids in age-appropriate ways. Saying things like, “My brain feels overwhelmed right now, and I need a few minutes to reset” does wonders to de-escalate the moment. It also models something many children with ADHD rarely see — that overwhelm isn’t something to hide, apologize for, or power through. It’s something you can recognize, name, and respond to with care.

💡Read: 4 Rules for Taking a Mom Rage Break

Over time, this kind of modeling also reduces stigma. My kids don’t see their overwhelm as strange or wrong, but as a signal. They’re learning that it’s OK to voice their needs and to take steps to meet them. In those moments, the goal isn’t perfect regulation, it’s shared understanding.

3. ADHD is not taboo. We talk about ADHD openly in my family. It’s not something we whisper about when things are hard. It’s part of how we understand ourselves and each other. My daughter and I often laugh about how our brains never seem to slow down — how one word during a conversation can remind us of a lyric from years ago and cause us to break out into song. These moments of connection remind us that our brains work similarly, and that similarity can be joyful.

4. Seek neurodivergent experiences. We’ve also found connection through identity-affirming books — stories that reflect neurodivergent characters, big feelings, and brains that don’t fit neatly into boxes. Reading these together gives us language without pressure. It opens doors to conversations about overwhelm, creativity, and regulation without framing anything as “wrong” or needing fixing. Seeing ourselves reflected in stories builds understanding and closeness and reinforces that ADHD isn’t something to hide.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

It’s not uncommon for parenting strategies and styles to diverge, with one parent prioritizing building independence, while the other leans toward empathy and support.

Tasks involving time management, prioritization, managing materials, and impulse control are tricky. Kids with ADHD benefit greatly from supports like timers, alarms, and visual schedules to keep them on track.

💡 Free Download! Your 13-Step Guide to Raising a Child with ADHD

These strategies aren’t signs of “babying.” They are evidence-based tools and approaches that help build good habits and self-regulation skills. Without them, our children would likely feel frustrated and anxious.

Overall, kids with ADHD do best when their parents understand and support their executive functioning struggles, set consistent rules, and provide a united front. Use these strategies to better align your parenting styles:

Learn about ADHD together.

ADHD is not a physical disability, and its “invisibility” can make it hard for some caregivers to understand. ADHD behaviors, such as impulsivity or hyperactivity, are not a choice; they are manifestations of a neurological disorder. Strengthen ADHD understanding by:

• Reading the same ADDitude ADHD parenting articles or eBooks, listening to podcasts or webinars together, or attending a parent workshop on ADHD.
• Going to parent-teacher conferences together so you both hear how ADHD has affected your child in the classroom.

💡 Essential Read: Your Child’s ADHD Is an Iceberg

Agree on expectations.

When you are raising a child with ADHD, certain tasks or boundaries (like completing homework, adhering to time limits on video games, or keeping a clean bedroom) will likely result in meltdowns or arguments at some point. Discuss your expectations with your partner and assess whether they are appropriate for your child’s developmental age (not chronological age). Come to an agreement that will work for both of you, and, if you can’t agree, seek help from a therapist or coach. Then communicate these expectations to your child.

It’s okay to have different views on caring for a neurodivergent child as long as both parents present a united front, focus on shared goals, and learn to compromise on approaches to create a healthy and positive home environment.

Liz Nissim, Ph.D., is a clinical and school psychologist specializing in parenting and executive function coaching for neurodivergent children and teens.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Every family develops patterns — familiar relationship “dances” that emerge when stress runs high. In families touched by ADHD, these roles and relationship patterns tend to surface more quickly and with greater intensity. Emotions escalate rapidly. The same arguments happen repeatedly. One person steps in to handle everything while another pulls away. And everyone is left wondering, Why do we keep ending up here?

Tamara Rosier, Ph.D., will provide a clear and compassionate approach to help parents, partners, adult children, and caregivers understand the roles they play and the patterns that repeat — to break free from negative cycles and improve relationships.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• How ADHD affects family systems and pushes us into familiar patterns
• What drives power struggles, and why certain patterns clash under stress
• How emotional sensitivity, working-memory gaps, and quick-reacting nervous systems contribute to ongoing conflict
• How ADHD families often fall into roles like the Overfunctioner, Underfunctioner, Peacemaker, and Intensifier—and how these can lead families into predictable cycles
• Practical tools to shift these patterns and redefine your role in the family

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Webinar Sponsor

Brain Balance helps kids, teens and adults with ADHD, learning differences, anxiety & more through our integrative cognitive development and brain wellness program. Our approach combines cognitive, physical and sensory training with nutritional guidance to strengthen and build brain connectivity without the use of medication. Stronger connections translate to improved attention, behaviors, and social-emotional well-being. brainbalancecenters.com

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

ADHD and Family Dynamics: Resources

• • • Free Download: Get a Grip on Tough Emotions
    • Read: Make It a Family Affair
    • Read: How Rewriting the Past Can Help You Overcome ADHD Shame
    • Read: Recognizing the Stressors That Paralyze ADHD Brains

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on February 26, 2026, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Tamara Rosier, Ph.D., is the author of You, Me, and Our ADHD Family: Practical Steps to Cultivate Healthy Relationships, and Your Brain’s Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD. (#CommissionsEarned) She has been a college administrator, a professor, a high school teacher, and a faculty developer. As founder of the ADHD Center of West Michigan, Dr. Rosier leads a team of professionals to provide resources for individuals and their families after they receive a diagnosis of ADHD. In her coaching, she helps her clients understand their thinking processes to develop more confidence, smoother communication, closer relationships, and increased academic or work success. She is a board-certified coach (BCC) and is the former president of national association, ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO). #CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Play | Amazon Music | RadioPublic | Pocket Casts | iHeartRADIO | Audacy

In practice, though, it can be tough to implement a mindfulness practice. Hyperactive kids with racing minds struggle to slow down, become present, and tune into the moment. To minds that prize immediate gratification, the rewards of mindfulness may be hard to glean. We know that tedium is experienced by many with ADHD as borture, so it stands to reason you may need to come at mindfulness from an innovative approach.

Thankfully, ADDitude readers are brimming with creative ideas. We asked readers how they help their kids practice mindfulness or meditation. Here’s what they told us.

“Deep breathing, stroking the cat, looking at the trees, and listening to noises outside (birds and leaves rustling) all count as meditation!” — Rebecca, United Kingdom

“Box breathing works well for my son. My daughter likes to remember the acronym FEAR: future events aren’t real.” — Mary, South Carolina

[Free Download: Kid-Friendly Mindful Meditation Exercises]

“I gave this advice to my grandson: Just follow the natural rise and fall of your abdomen for three minutes each day for a month, even if you’re doing this during study hall. Afterward, notice how you feel.” — Scott, Minnesota

“Grounding techniques, like rooting their palms on a cool surface or feeling all four corners of their feet on the floor, have helped. When my son was younger, having ‘cuddle time’ and wrapping ourselves tight in blankets, helped.” — Allyson, Ireland

“We have tried meditation and yoga, but my son has not picked up any of these. Instead, he likes to go outside and shoot baskets, and that seems to be his thinking time.” —Victor, Mississippi

[Read: Mindful Meditation – ADHD Symptom Relief with Breath]

“We go for a car ride where she can stare out the window and notice what is passing by. If we’re at home, she does well with a sensory toy, like a moving sand frame or a sensory glitter jar.” — An ADDitude Reader

“Make it fun and keep them short. They like themed meditations, with characters they know such as Disney.” — Matt. Ohio

“My 4-year-old and I practice ‘blowing away’ any leftover energy at the end of the night.” — Kelsey, Michigan

“As a rule, we meditate together every morning. On the mornings my 7-year-old whines about it, I remind her that it helps her learn how to deal with things like her ADHD and her extreme emotions. She’s fighting it less and less these days, and she’s finding it easier to regulate herself throughout the day.” — Rene, Minnesota

“Modeling meditation, discussing my own experiences, sharing published research about the value of meditation, and inviting my son to join me for 60-second meditations and breathing activities have helped.” — Alison, Singapore

“My son watches me use the Headspace app and sometimes joins me in meditation at night before bed.” — An ADDitude Reader

“I asked ChatGPT to make a step-by-step plan for my kids to chill out at night.” — Weeze, Canada

“I’ve noticed my son likes to go to church and feels welcome and calm while there. He’s mindful on the prayers and contemporary worship songs.” — Judith, United Kingdom

“I lie down on the floor next to their bed after lights out and have them pick a number between 5 and 10. That is how many deep belly breaths we do as we focus only on listening to the white noise in the room.” — Shelby, Ohio

Mindfulness for Kids: Next Steps

• Free Resource: Make Mindfulness Work For You
• Read: Teen Stress Is Very Real — and Manageable with Mindfulness Exercises
• Read: Forget the Lotus Position – How to Meditate, ADHD Style

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Kids could tell he was different, but they weren’t sure in what way. He was just quirky enough to become an object of curiosity rather than a friend.

Other signs of his social challenges became apparent over time. He struggled to understand others’ perspectives. He lacked confidence. He didn’t have an instinct for who to approach, and after a few misfires, he would withdraw and give up.

When my son started school, we were told that he needed help with social development and peer communication. In other words, he had to learn friendship skills, explicitly. Soon we had an autism diagnosis, and it all made a little more sense.

I’m overjoyed to say that my son, now 12, has friends he cherishes — friends who are neurodivergent like him. While we both felt the pain of his earlier friendship challenges, we are all in a better place now.

If your neurodivergent child longs for social connection, consider these steps that helped my child make good, caring friends.

[Get This Free Download: A Friendship Guide for Kids with ADHD]

1. Explore Social Skills Groups

We were fortunate to join a school with inclusion and social development baked into its values. Still, we took extracurricular friendship classes after school. The program we joined included a parent training component that had us practice scripts, facilitate phone calls, and report our child’s progress on social-skills homework. (The children worked on their social skills in a separate group.)

Some people may question the value of teaching autistic kids friendship skills, and I understand why. I don’t want my kid to be taught arbitrary neurotypical norms. I don’t care if he makes eye contact or small talk and I would never force any kid to make a friend. The deciding factor for us was my son’s longing for connection. Though he never asked for play dates, I saw how happy he got when I arranged time with other kids.

2. Question your Urge to Intervene

Many times throughout my child’s friendship journey, I had to ask myself, “Is my urge to intervene coming from his longing to connect, or from my anxiety that he may never have friends?”

Grounding myself, I would observe. Did he actually want to join the game, or was he content to watch? I guess watching a game before jumping in makes sense, honestly.

Pausing to consider what’s really going on will help you avoid pressuring your child and even creating awkward social situations.

[Read: Will My Child Ever Have a Best Friend?]

3. Choose the Right People for Play Dates

Parents of “easy” kids will not plan ahead for play dates. In fact, they will probably see the play date as a way to take a break. When I get a call ahead of time from a parent asking probing questions and setting clear boundaries, I know I’ve found my people.

4. Prepare Your Child

Use social stories, checklists, or role-play with puppets to get your child ready. Discuss what to expect: time of day, activity, food, and location. Keep playdates short, and don’t stress if a friendship doesn’t blossom in an hour. Kids need time to warm up. My son’s relationship with one friend started off rocky and improved over time.

5. Support Your Child’s “Friend Files”

Once your child has a friend, encourage a mental “friend file.” After each visit, ask what they learned about their friend and remind them before the next meeting. If they’re unsure what the other child likes, don’t push — perhaps you noticed something you can gently suggest.

6. Suggest Questions, But Don’t Force It

Asking questions is pivotal to building friendships. When your child is ready, they can ask a question and listen to the answer. If they’re stuck, suggest questions or role-play with puppets. Nonspeaking kids can use gestures or their AAC device.

7. It’s a Process

Some days your child will talk your ear off about the classmate with shared interests; other days, social challenges will feel overwhelming. My own child is still learning how to ask friends to hang out after school, but that will come. Social skills – and good friendships – don’t develop overnight.

Neurodivergent Youth and Friendships: Next Steps

• Read: “My Favorite Social Skills Activities for ADHD Youth”
• Read: How to Be Your Child’s Social Emotional Learning Coach
• Read: Build Your Child’s Social Skills in 7 Steps

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

First, I want to acknowledge that you’re in a tough spot – and you’re not alone. Watching your child struggle socially is painful. And when every attempt to talk about it ends in argument or hurt feelings, it’s natural to second-guess yourself.

But please understand this: You are not making your son feel bad about himself by bringing this up. That feeling is already there. Many kids with ADHD who struggle socially experience deep frustration and shame, even if they can’t name those emotions. They may appear defensive, but this is really an attempt to protect themselves from that uncomfortable reality.

[Get This Free Download: A Friendship Guide for Kids with ADHD]

Your son may not fully grasp how his behavior is being interpreted by peers, and when you point it out, he may genuinely believe you’re wrong. That’s not defiance. It’s a skills gap. Your job isn’t to prevent that feeling; it’s to help him develop the skills needed to prevent those moments from happening in the first place.

You might start a conversation like this: “When we picked up Jose, he was happy to see you. But you were on your phone and didn’t respond when he tried talking to you. From his point of view, that probably felt like you weren’t interested.

Leave it at that. Don’t over-explain. Let it land.

Here’s another truth that most parents rarely hear: You can’t protect your son’s feelings and help him understand how his behavior is being interpreted by his peers. You must decide which will serve him best in the log term. Shielding him from discomfort might feel kind in the moment, but it doesn’t help him build the skills he needs to navigate friendships, read social situations, or handle peer dynamics as he gets older.

[Read: Why Parents Underestimate Boys’ Flexibility and Resiliency]

Keep in mind that your child isn’t fragile. He gets stronger when he’s given tools, structure, and clear expectations. Avoiding these conversations to spare his feelings only reinforces the idea that he can’t handle discomfort. The better approach is to be lovingly direct. You might say: “I’m sharing this with you because I love you. I want you to have friends, and this is something we can work on together.”

You’re the safest person in his life. It’s far better for you – someone who sees the whole picture and loves him unconditionally – than to get vague rejection from peers who won’t give him that same context.

Lack of Social Awareness in ADHD Boys: Next Steps

• Learn: The Social Executive Function Skills That Elude Kids with ADHD
• Read: How to Be Your Child’s Social Emotional Learning Coach
• Read: Does Your Son Hide in the Safe Social Confines of Gaming?

Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker, father to a son with ADHD and learning differences, and creator of ADHD Dude.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

What Is Social Emotional Learning?

Social-emotional learning (SEL) programs teach skills ranging from emotional regulation to social awareness and problem-solving. For students from preschool through high school, SEL teachings aim to improve academic performance, encourage positive behaviors, and strengthen a sense of belonging.

And the approach works. A meta-analysis of hundreds of studies involving more than a half-million students globally found that students in SEL programs demonstrated measurable gains in social and emotional skills and behaviors, including self-esteem, mindset, perseverance, and optimism.¹

The analysis also found that benefits to children significantly outweighed the costs, and this was consistent across socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds.

[Get This Free SEL Programs Comparison Chart]

SEL Training Is Inadequate

In a survey, ADDitude asked educators whether they were familiar with SEL. Of the nearly 400 respondents, 70% said yes. When asked how they learned about its goals and approaches, 69% said they sought this information independently. About 45% said their school offered training, but many teachers said the training was inconsistent or inadequate. And satisfaction?

• 27% were satisfied or very satisfied with their school’s SEL training and approach
• 29% were not satisfied

“We had a very brief meeting at the start of the year, maybe for an hour,” one respondent said, echoing other teachers’ responses to ADDitude.

Another said, “We had some professional development meetings, but there was a distinct lack of follow-through.”

What are the biggest hurdles to implementing SEL programs or curricula in the classroom? Here’s what teachers said:

• Time constraints: 65%
• Inadequate training: 44%
• Lack of resources or funding: 41%
• Lack of clear guidelines or expectations for SEL implementation: 38%
• Difficulty assessing and tracking student progress: 32%
• Demands related to test preparation and/or curriculum goals: 26%
• Poor student engagement: 22%
• Poor parent cooperation: 17%

[Read: How to Be Your Child’s Social Emotional Learning Coach]

The Value of SEL in Education

Teachers also shared how SEL programs have become part of the classroom experience.

• “Noticing how I’m feeling deeply impacts the tone of my classroom. When I stop to breathe, I can stay in my executive brain and make healthier decisions and responses.”
• “As a school psychologist, I have worked to educate teachers and administrators on the value of implementing an SEL program. When fully embedded in the curriculum, it improves students’ self-awareness, self-regulation, and social awareness. This, in turn, impacts positively on social relationships and supports a more positive overall community as well. SEL instruction is a game changer.”
• “I’ve learned how to identify and manage emotions, and how to resolve conflict.”
• “Leading with compassion and curiosity has been the most effective strategy. This includes teaching students to be compassionate and curious with themselves.”
• “Scaffolding and differentiating learning to help students overcome anxiety and access the curriculum makes a big difference in their ability to engage with peers in the classroom. Being able to engage on their intellectual level helps our gifted students make friends and feel welcomed in the classroom.”

Social Emotional Learning: Next Steps

• Free Download: SEL Program Comparison Tool
• Read: The Social Executive Function Skills That Elude Kids with ADHD
• Read: Build Your Child’s Social Skills in 7 Steps

Carole Fleck is Editor-in-Chief at ADDitude magazine.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹ Cipriano, C., Strambler, M. J., Naples, L. H., Ha, C., Kirk, M., Wood, M., Sehgal, K., Zieher, A. K., Eveleigh, A., McCarthy, M., Funaro, M., Ponnock, A., Chow, J. C., & Durlak, J. (2023). The state of evidence for social and emotional learning: A contemporary meta-analysis of universal school-based SEL interventions. Child Development, 94(5), 1181–1204. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13968

I hate seeing my kids fight. I do all I can to prevent it, but it is inevitable. Siblings fight, and that’s normal. (Even as a therapist, it’s hard for me to accept this!) What I can control is my response to the fighting. I can step in, set loving limits, and try to teach my children that, while some conflict is normal, there are productive ways to manage emotions and handle disagreements so that things can go a little better next time. Here’s how I, as a therapist and a mom of three, including a child with ADHD, manage sibling conflicts in my home.

1. Do not take sides. This one is hard — if one kid is crying, then we often assume that the other one must be at fault, right? No, not necessarily. (The crying kid, for example, might have been bugging their sibling all week until they hit a breaking point.) The point is, fault is somewhat beside the point. It’s best to approach sibling fights with the understanding that your kids are dysregulated, struggling, and in need of your help.

2. Wait to talk. If children have reached the point of fighting, then they’ve reached the point where they’ve “flipped their lid” as psychiatrist Daniel Siegel, M.D., puts it. This is when the thinking part of their brain goes offline. It takes about 20 minutes to regulate and get out of this fight-or-flight mode.

If you try to talk to your children before their brain comes back online, they will likely not be able to take in what you’re saying, no matter how logical or comforting your words may be. If anything, you’ll just add to their stress response.

[Read: “My Kids Fight Nonstop!” How to Squash ADHD Sibling Rivalry]

So, what should you do? Separate your children if possible and wait. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., refers to this as a “time in” in her book co-authored with Siegel, No-Drama Discipline. Give your children time and space to allow their prefrontal cortexes to come back online. If needed, remind them about self-regulation tools, like deep breathing, counting to 10, or listening to calming music.

3. Approach each sibling separately. In private, talk to each child about what happened, and don’t assume that you know what started the issue. Even if you do know, allowing your child to explain will help them feel better. (Think about how you, as an adult, feel when you get to explain yourself instead of being shut down.) When a child feels heard and understood, it helps regulate their nervous system. They can calm down quicker and think more clearly.

4. Validate and acknowledge. Talking to your children separately will also give you space to validate feelings without making anyone feel bad or like you’re taking sides. If your child says, “She always takes my stuff without asking! I am never going to let her touch anything of mine again!” You can say, “I’d be angry, too, if someone touched my things without asking.” Or, “Yes, it is hard to have a sibling who often takes your stuff without asking.” Never make your child feel like what they’re upset about is trivial. It’s never a small matter to them, and brushing off their feelings will only intensify them.

Contrary to what most parents fear, validating your child won’t cause them to double down on their anger or commit to, say, NEVER let their sibling touch their stuff again. Validating will simply allow your child to vent and regulate.

[Read: Parenting the Child Whose Sibling Has ADHD]

5. What could you do next time? Finally, the step where many of us would like to begin: the conversation about how the situation can be handled differently next time. It’s tempting to jump straight to lessons learned, but this is a conversation that can only be had once brains are back online and everyone is regulated.

The conversation can start like this: “Hey, I know it is really hard when your sibling takes your stuff without asking. Is there another way this could be handled?” Giving your child a chance to problem-solve will strengthen this essential skill and help them feel more in control.

Offer ideas if they need help, like, “If you see your sister playing with your stuff, you could say, ‘Hey, you did not ask me to play with that. I’d like for you to ask me before you grab my stuff, please.’” On your end, notice if any patterns come up around fighting. Are fights happening when routines are disrupted? When one child feels ignored? When one child has too much pent-up energy? When your children are hungry or thirsty? When rules and expectations are not fully understood?

Big emotions are normal, especially if you’re raising neurodivergent children. But you can teach your children to regulate and resolve conflicts by meeting them with curiosity, compassion, and understanding.

Siblings Fighting: Next Steps

• Free Download: Bonding Activity Ideas for ADHD Families
• Read: “I Was the Family Misfit Who Got a Hopeful Ending to a Hard Childhood”
• Read: Growing Up, I Never Knew My Sister Had ADHD

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

As adolescence sets in, the behavior approaches of elementary school lose their power. Parents need new strategies to effectively guide their teens with ADHD through the social and executive function challenges of middle and high school.

The first step: Understand how impairments can lead to serious social and academic problems. Then: Research and explore specific services developed for adolescents with ADHD that have been shown to deliver short- and long-term benefits. Here, caregivers and teachers can learn how to apply these strategies in unique situations.

In this webinar you will learn:

• • Why youth with ADHD typically have problems with academic and social functioning
  • The approaches for improving the social and academic functioning of adolescents with ADHD that research suggests are most promising
  • Ideas for how to apply the evidence-based approaches to unique problematic areas
  • Strategies for effectively approaching educators with requests for useful services

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO

Social Skills for Teens with ADHD : Resources

• • • Free Download: Free Guide to Improving Your Students’ Social Skills
    • Read: The Social Executive Function Skills That Elude Kids with ADHD
    • Read: Build Your Child’s Social Skills in 7 Steps
    • Read: 10 Ways to Improve Your Teen’s Executive Skills

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on July 24, 2025, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Steven W. Evans, Ph.D., is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Co-Director of the Center for Intervention Research in Schools at Ohio University. He was one of the first to develop psychosocial treatments for adolescents with ADHD and his primary focus was school-based interventions. He developed the Challenging Horizons Program including Interpersonal Skills Training and Organization Training and research suggests that these are some of the most effective approaches for adolescents with ADHD. Dr. Evans’ work focuses on the intersection of science and practice and consistently involves parents and educators who contribute to the research. 

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Play | Amazon Music | RadioPublic | Pocket Casts | iHeartRADIO | Audacy

Summer is tricky. The break from school is liberating and renewing, but for children with ADHD, the long days and lack of structure can lead to meltdowns and screentime overuse — common complaints among parents. With the right strategies and thoughtful routines, however, caregivers can build the summer-specific structure needed to ease transitions, encourage ongoing organization, and smooth the bumps of school break.

In this interactive webinar, viewers will have the opportunity to ask questions to Dave Anderson, Ph.D., an expert in child behavioral development, and gain practical strategies to create a balanced summer routine that promotes fun and reduces stress.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• • How to maintain a semi-structured schedule that supports consistency and reduces anxiety
  • Effective strategies to help manage kids’ video game and other tech device use
  • How to set realistic goals for your child and use small rewards to encourage progress
  • The importance of fostering your child’s independence while maintaining behavioral boundaries for a smooth, enjoyable summer.

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO

Summer Activities and ADHD: Resources

• • • Free Download: Your Guide to a Smarter Summer
    • Read: How to Survive Summer Vacation
    • Read: Summer Survival Guide for Parents of Extreme Children
    • Read: The Best Summer Is a Strategized Summer
    • eBook: Your ADHD Summer Survival Guide

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on June 17, 2025, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Dave Anderson, Ph.D., is Vice President, Public Engagement and Education; and Senior Psychologist, ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center, at the Child Mind Institute.

Dr. Anderson specializes in evaluating and treating children and adolescents with ADHD and behavior disorders. He also has broad experience with anxiety and mood disorders. His expertise includes cognitive behavioral therapy, behavioral parent training, school-based consultation, and classroom behavioral support. Dr. Anderson is devoted to ensuring that patients receive innovative, cutting-edge care tailored to each family’s specific needs.

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Play | Amazon Music | RadioPublic | Pocket Casts | iHeartRADIO | Audacy

Friendships seldom spark or endure easily for boys with ADHD, who may avoid or sabotage real-life friendships due to weak social executive functioning (SEF) skills related to cognitive flexibility and situational awareness. Social anxiety is also prevalent among some teens with ADHD, yet many are unable to articulate this difficulty, which can lead teen boys to retreat into online worlds and video games.

Improve your teen’s SEF skills by helping them to:

• Put in the work. Sports teammates or kids from youth groups may not become closer friends because boys with ADHD don’t know how to put in the required effort. Teens with ADHD enjoy being with other kids, but when they’re not near them, they’re not thinking about them because the ADHD brain tends to live in the moment. Out of sight means out of mind. Parents can help by coaching their sons to actively show peers they’re interested in hanging out through texts, direct messages, calls, or in-person invitations.
• Adopt a new perspective. Calmly discuss how peers may interpret your teen’s behavior. You might say: “It was good that you invited Sam to the beach. Even though he couldn’t go, it showed him that you wanted to spend time with him, which probably made him feel good.” Many boys fear rejection. It’s important to help your teen understand that everyone experiences rejection — maybe an invitation was declined, or friendly outreach efforts weren’t reciprocated. The more practice your teen gets with reaching out to peers, the easier this will get.
• Read the room. Before teens venture into unstructured social situations, strengthen their situational awareness by helping them anticipate the behaviors expected of them. That might sound like: “When you get to the party, kids may already be playing games you enjoy. You can join them, or you can see if there are any other kids you like. If so, go talk with them.”

[Could My Child Have Social Anxiety? Take This Self-Test]

Social Anxiety in Teens

Social anxiety is common among teen boys. Easing their discomfort around social situations will help them move away from screens and build offline friendships. Here are some approaches to try.

• Normalize nervousness. Social anxiety is often overlooked in teen boys, and consequently, many believe they’re alone in their experience. Let them know it’s common to feel temporary discomfort in new social situations. Explain that this anxiety tends to build, peak, and recede.
• Challenge irrational thoughts. Social anxiety is based on irrational thinking, such as catastrophic thinking, a tendency to discount the positive, or assuming that others believe the worst about you. Challenge your child’s negative thought patterns by asking, “What evidence do you have that _____ will think it’s weird if you invite him over? Maybe he’ll be happy you asked him because he was nervous about asking you.”
• Don’t enable anxiety. Many well-meaning parents accommodate their teen’s social worries to avoid temporary distress. But rescuing a teen from short-term anxiety tends to heighten it in the long term. Support your teen by exposing them to gradual steps toward socializing. Ultimately, they must be exposed to situations they interact in person. Have them text a classmate with a homework question. Eventually, have your teen invite the classroom over to study.

Social Anxiety in Teens with ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Guide: Help Your Child Make Friends
• Download: Social Anxiety Facts and Falsehoods
• Read: The Social Executive Function Skills That Elude Kids with ADHD
• Read: Building (Real) Friendships in the Age of Snapchat and Instagram
• Watch:“The Social Reboot: Helping Tween and Teen Boys with ADHD Make Friends”

Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and father to a son with ADHD and learning differences. He creates content for the ADHD Dude YouTube channel.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

We try so hard to fit in at family gatherings. We do our best, yet we end up feeling disconnected, misunderstood, and left out when what we most want is belonging and connection.

My neurodivergent kid is now a teen. Over the years, I’ve figured out a few things that have saved me during the holidays. I share them with you so that they might save you some agony as you navigate and potentially redefine your family’s holiday traditions.

How to Survive the Holidays: A Guide for Neurodivergent Families

1. Ditch the guilt.

I used to feel guilty about not being able to do the holidays “right.” But guilt didn’t help me at all, and it won’t help you. You’re doing the absolute best you can, and that’s more than enough!

I had to stop agonizing over homemade gifts and mailing out custom photo cards with personalized letters that detailed the year’s achievements. We now skip the family photos in front of our tree, and we happily share some hilarious snapshots of our kid (and us) having a good time instead.

[Get This Free Download: Your Free Holiday Survival Kit]

I used to beat myself up for not baking cookies, not having a perfectly decorated home, and not organizing every holiday activity. But I didn’t even enjoy doing many of these activities! I’ve learned that it’s OK to let go of the expectations I thought I had to meet. My kid is happy with a few select traditions, and he’s happiest when I’m not freaking out about making things perfect. Perfectionism is the thief of joy.

2. Redefine normal.

What does a “normal” holiday gathering look like, anyway? Is it perfectly cooked meals? A perfectly behaved family? Or is it a cozy night in, playing board games and watching a favorite movie?

Our holiday activities have evolved over time, and today we enjoy a low-key celebration with just our immediate family. We’ve also been known to skip traditional Christmas dinner and opt for Chinese food and a favorite movie (Elf). We may find a nearby hotel with a heated pool. Why not? We’ve created our own rituals that work for our family.

3. Communicate openly with family and friends.

While it’s never easy, things are a lot smoother when everyone is on the same page in advance. We’ve learned to be upfront about our family’s needs and limitations. We set boundaries and request relaxed expectations for manners and mealtimes. One year at a holiday gathering, I explained my goals to our host (enjoy my meal and have a pleasant conversation). I also decided to take my son’s chair away entirely. At that age he rarely sat to eat, anyway. I asked the other adults to ignore what (and how) he was eating. We had a backup plan (kiddie movie) but we didn’t need it. That was the first year he actually ate some of his dinner and participated in the conversation!

[Related Reading: Bring This Article to Your Next Family Gathering]

Long goodbyes are a thing in my extended family, but sometimes we make a run for it (and explain later) because my child desperately needs a break.

When I start to feel ‘othered’ during the holidays, I try to remember that everyone does well when they can. This also applies to my extended family members, who aren’t always as aware of neurodiversity and inclusion as I am – but they can learn!

4. Minimize sensory overload as much as possible.

While we can’t take our hammock swing or trampoline with us when we visit family, we can take noise-canceling headphones, weighted blankets, and fidgets. Being neurodivergent myself, I need to minimize noise, bright lights, and strong smells – or I feel stress on top of my stress! I also can only handle so much small talk, so I’m the first to volunteer to walk a dog or take the kids to the playground. That way, we all get fresh air, and we get to swing, jump, and climb!

5. Plan ahead but embrace flexibility.

We try to think ahead of possible tricky scenarios and have an exit plan. We check in with each other during the event and we make sure to schedule plenty of downtime later. We’ve also learned to adjust our plans based on how intense the gathering feels.

6. Practice radical self-care.

This holiday season, I urge you to prioritize self-care so you can be the best parent you can be.

For me, self-care looks like…

• …a spontaneous kitchen dance party with our whole extended family
• …a quick walk around the block
• …a podcast while cleaning up
• …or a few minutes of journaling.

If a certain activity or event is going to be too stressful, I’ve learned it is better to just say no. Self-care might also mean setting boundaries with family and friends (and not skipping my therapy appointment if I can help it).

I’ve also learned the power of taking turns with my partner. When each of us has some time to recharge, holiday trips and events go more smoothly.

7. Focus on what matters most.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my core values and priorities. It’s important for me to spend time with loved ones, create joyful memories, and practice gratitude. What’s not as important for me during the holidays is to check off a list of tasks. I don’t want to race around and pack my family’s days. I want to allow space for wonder. How about you – what do you value? What ‘shoulds’ will you say no to?

No matter your answers, may this holiday season go smoothly for your neurodiverse family.

Getting Through the Holidays: Next Steps

• Read: Minimize Holiday Havoc with These ADHD-Friendly Strategies
• Read: “My Christmas Meltdown – A Yearly Holiday Tradition”
• Q: “How Do We Avoid Family Drama and ADHD Ignorance This Holiday Season?”
• Watch: “Family Ties – Managing and Advocating for Your Child with ADHD in the Extended Family”

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.