How SEL Skills Promote Emotional Self-Regulation
It’s tough for students to learn when their emotions are in overdrive. Follow these steps to strengthen their social-emotional skills and facilitate learning.
As a child psychologist, I see a direct connection between academic achievement and a child’s ability to build meaningful friendships, manage their emotions, and tolerate distress. When a child is emotionally dysregulated, they are less available to learn.
When individuals with ADHD get triggered and do not have the skills to regulate emotions effectively, they enter a fight-or-flight state. The amygdala is activated, and the body releases stress hormones like cortisol. This autonomic response can hijack the prefrontal cortex and sabotage the ability to focus, process new information, and regulate emotions.
The brain becomes unable to engage higher-order executive functioning skills and learn. This is why social-emotional skills are a critical precursor to learning, and a linchpin for academic success.
Over the past 30 years, educators have increasingly embraced social-emotional learning (SEL). Notably, parents play a critical role in nurturing their children’s skills in this area.
[Get This Free SEL Programs Comparison Chart]
Children who develop emotional awareness and expression skills can improve self-regulation and manage their reactions effectively. Those who learn perspective-taking skills and develop empathy can understand others’ feelings.
SEL Skills Teach Conflict Resolution
Problem-solving skills help kids resolve conflicts constructively. But for many children with ADHD, didactic lessons in a classroom are not enough; they need to see and feel how SEL skills may be applied in the real world. Therefore, it is critical for these skills to be taught and applied organically on a regular basis. Parents and teachers need to see conflicts —misbehavior, sibling rivalry, fights between children on the playground, meltdowns, rigidity, and disrespect — as learning opportunities.
Sadly, kids are often given detentions for these behaviors. Punishment, however, does not help children learn. Instead, it breeds anger and resentment, making them feel bad about themselves. It keeps them stuck.
The next time your child or student is involved in a conflict, use the following steps to build their SEL skills:
Step 1: Evaluate
Ask yourself: What is this child’s skill deficit at this moment? What do they need to learn?
[Free Guide to Activities and Sports for Kids with ADHD]
Step 2: Validate
Validate the child’s perspective. Feeling seen and heard will help them be more fully present for learning. Remember, you don’t need to agree with them to offer validation.
Step 3: Collaborate
Truly hear them before you share your perspective. Encourage the child to problem-solve or come up with a compromise that works.
Acquiring and applying SEL skills, like any other skill, takes time and practice. Perhaps more importantly, it also requires you, as a teacher or caregiver, to regulate your own emotions to help a child see how to regulate theirs.
SEL Skills: Next Steps
Free Class: The ADHD Learning Series for Educators
Free Download: Friendship Guide for Kids with ADHD
Read: The Social Executive Function Skills That Elude Kids with ADHD
Read: How to Be Your Child’s Social Emotional Learning Coach
Tamar Kahane, Psy.D., is the founder and clinical director of The Kahane Center, LLC, in New Jersey.
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