When Self-Care Feels Like a Chore

Does self-care feel like yet another to-do list task for which you have neither the time nor the energy? Do you ridicule, avoid, and/or worry that you’re “failing” at it?

Especially for people with ADHD, practicing self-care can feel burdensome for a few key reasons:

You Feel Undeserving

Is suffering part of your narrative? It is for many people with ADHD, especially those who were diagnosed later in life. A core sense of inadequacy may make you function as if rest, pleasure, and other aspects of self-care are rewards you must earn — and ones that you don’t inherently or often deserve. You may assume that life is supposed to feel difficult all the time. Perhaps you even become suspicious when things feel a little easier.

💡 Read: You Are Worthy of Self-Compassion

You View Self-Care as Gratuitous

Self-care is not always glamorous or expensive. It doesn’t just look like pursuing hobbies, treating yourself to a pastry, or getting a weekly manicure. It’s about tending to your needs and intentionally showing up for yourself by prioritizing sleep, adequately fueling and moving your body, staying on top of hygiene, maintaining an organized living space, and fulfilling other “boring” but important commitments.

All of this requires planning, prioritizing, initiation, motivation, emotional regulation, and other skills that draw on the very areas that are challenging for people living with ADHD.

So, yes, self-care can feel like a chore, which is defined as an unpleasant but necessary task. But I invite you to think of self-care as a way of being — a collection of tasks that no one else can do for you. When these tasks are performed consistently, they allow you to show up as the best version of yourself.

How to Take Care of Yourself with ADHD

1. Relieve the Pressure

Refine. Write a list of no more than five activities or tasks that help you feel your best, whether that’s sipping an afternoon cup of tea, listening to music, or going to the gym. Your goal is not to do these activities every day, but three times a week or with some other frequency that feels realistic.

💡 Read: What Makes a Life Fulfilling? Pursuing Goals Important to You, Not Others.

Need vs. should. You’ll gain more clarity on where to concentrate your self-care efforts by asking yourself: “What is key to making me feel like myself?” “What helps me come back to feeling centered and grounded?”

Challenge perfectionism. If self-care feels overwhelming, it may be perfectionism rearing its ugly head. Perfectionism can make you believe that self-care must be performed a certain way. When this happens, pause and think about what would make the task easier. Is it possible to cover your needs through different tasks?

Note that self-care activities often change based on life circumstances, which is normal. Movement may be an essential component of your self-care, for example, which may look like going for an hour-long run one day and taking a 10-minute stroll after dinner another day. Focus on what you can do.

2. Share Self-Care

One of the most effective ways to boost motivation for self-care is to include others in it. Tidy your space while video calling with a friend. Ask your neighbor to join you on your walk. Start a self-care group chat with friends where you all share your wins.

Try bundling habits, too. Pair a new self-care action with an existing routine. Use visual cues and do what you can to reduce friction between yourself and the activity.

Before and after completing a self-care activity, reinforce it by repeating phrases that speak to its importance such as:

• Having ADHD does not mean that I deserve discomfort, stress or burnout.
• Prioritizing my sleep instead of doom scrolling helps me wake up well-rested.
• There is no need to feel guilty for attending to my needs and taking care of myself.
• I deserve to live a healthy life which can include asking others for support.

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