“After a long day, my mind is racing with thoughts, which means that I often cannot calm down enough to let intimacy get to me,” says Nathaly, an ADDitude reader in Germany with ADHD. “Then I feel guilty. I have a timer in my head that tells me how long it’s been since the last time we were intimate, which makes the pressure worse.”

Scores of readers shared similar stories of struggling to manage distractions, sensory overwhelm, rejection sensitivity, and anxiety, which often led to shame, guilt, or relationship challenges. Readers shared solutions, too, which frequently involved ADHD diagnosis and treatment as well as a concerted effort to improve communication, often with the help of couples therapy.

“We have started to slowly resolve this issue,” Nathaly explained. “When we want to be intimate, we make sure that I have time to calm down first, put on some relaxing music, or take a long shower. Then I am usually more relaxed and open to intimacy.”

Here, readers share the ways ADHD complicates their experience of sex and impart strategies that may help.

[Watch: ADHD and Sex – Building Focus and Attention for Intimacy]

The ADHD brain relies heavily on visual cues; when we can’t see something, it often ceases to exist. We leave items out on counters not from laziness, but as a necessary memory prompt. Our partners may see the piles and think that we expect them to clean up after us. This, in turn, can cause resentment and tension in the home.

In my current relationship, although I’m the one with ADHD, my sentimental non-ADHD partner struggles to let go of things (don’t get me started on what he’s saved). Clutter tolerance isn’t necessarily about ADHD. It’s about understanding each other’s needs and triggers.

[Read: Making Peace With Your Clutter]

4 Steps to Finding Compromise

1. Start with understanding.

I have OCD and cannot eat comfortably in my kitchen unless it is clean and decluttered. My partner needs to understand and respect this. Likewise, when he has clothing piled on his stationary bike, I can tolerate that. Pick your battles and clarify why they matter.

2. Explain the ADHD brain.

Help your partner understand that visible organization is a memory strategy, not laziness. If the ADHD brain can’t see something, it literally forgets that the thing exists. And who wants to buy multiples of everything? For your part, recognize that this may not just be an aesthetic preference; the clutter may create genuine anxiety for your partner. Understanding both sides transforms judgement into compassion.

3. Create designated spaces.

Establish “ADHD-friendly zones” where items can remain visible — a section of a counter, a specific shelf, or a rolling cart. Meanwhile, maintain “calm zones” that stay clear for the partner who needs visual peace.

[Read: Put a Stop to Household Clutter Once and for All]

4. Make it functional for both.

Use clear containers and label everything. A beautiful tray for daily essentials satisfies both accessibility and tidiness needs. Create systems that work with ADHD brains while maintaining visual order.

The solution is not to force the ADHD partner to hide everything or to make the clutter-sensitive partner accept chaos. Successful couples find compromise through understanding and communication.

Jami Shapiro is the founder of Silver Linings Transitions, a San Diego-based senior and specialty move management and home organization company. She is the host of the Grandma Has ADHD podcast.

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Living with a compulsive need to please others and avoid conflict can be emotionally exhausting. With ADHD in the mix, self-esteem and communication skills can also suffer.

To achieve a healthier balance in your relationships, follow these seven steps.

1. Identify Root Causes

People-pleasing behaviors often stem from fear of rejection, low self-esteem, or past experiences in which you felt emotional safety hinged on accommodating others.

Perhaps you felt you had to fulfill your parents’ demands, no matter how unhealthy, or risk harsh punishment and emotional upheaval. Maybe you experienced rejection from your parents, peers, and other adults whose standards felt impossible to reach. A therapist can help you explore and understand the root causes of your people-pleasing behaviors and develop solutions for overcoming them.

[Read: How ADHD Impacts Sex and Marriage]

2. Set Boundaries

Self-respect grows from setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-care. This doesn’t mean you care less about your family; it means you care enough about yourself to make sure your needs are being met. Start with minor requests, learn to say no, and express your desires.

3. Speak Up

Have an honest conversation with your husband and family. Express your desire to change, A supportive partner will understand and help you with this transition. Effective communication can also prevent misunderstandings.

4. Reframe Thoughts

Many compulsive people-pleasers harbor negative thoughts and self-criticism. Are your fears based on proven facts or speculation? Cognitive behavioral techniques can be particularly helpful in reframing negative thinking patterns.

[Webinar Replay: Stop People Pleasing! Halting the Cycle of ADHD Self-Doubt, Perfectionism and Procrastination]

5. Practice Assertiveness

Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs directly and respectfully. This can be challenging if you’re used to avoiding conflict, but there are many books, workshops, and therapies to help you build these skills. Participating in role-playing scenarios with a therapist or trusted friend can also help.

6. Embrace Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself as you work through these changes. It’s normal to make mistakes and revert to old patterns occasionally. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge your progress and remind yourself that change take time.

7. Prioritize Mutual Respect

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. When you and your husband contribute equally to the relationship, it creates a more satisfying partnership and reduces the pressure to constantly please.

Breaking free from the cycle of pleasing people and avoiding conflict is not easy, but with patience, self-awareness, and support, it’s possible.

Stephanie Sarkis, PhD., is the author of Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse.

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Feelings of resentment are not unique to relationships touched by ADHD. Spend enough time and years together, and many couples grapple with feelings of resentment harbored by one or both partners. But ADHD traits — like forgetfulness, disorganization, or weak follow-through — can hasten these feelings and chip away at effective problem-solving and communication.

Perhaps this scenario seems familiar: Resentment builds in one partner as they take on a majority of household and childcare duties, like arranging medical appointments and after-school activities, and paying monthly bills, because they believe the other partner can’t be counted on to do or follow through with these actions. And that partner feels nagged, shamed, angry, and inadequate, perpetuating a pattern of negative communication and relationship dissatisfaction.

In some cases, budding or long-term resentment isn’t that clear-cut. In fact, feelings may be more complicated and deserve a deeper examination.

In this webinar, you will learn about:

• Some of the most common resentments held by couples touched by ADHD
• The surprising benefits of holding onto resentment, even as it hurts your relationship
• How to identify the underpinnings of your own resentment
• New ways to think about your own feelings of resentment and how to effectively address those feelings
• How to effectively communicate about resentment without triggering your partner
• When to seek professional help

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Resentment in Marriage and Relationships: Resources

• Free Download: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship
• Read: The ADHD Effect on Sex and Self-Worth
• Read: A The One Ground Rule for Fighting Fair in an ADHD Marriage
• Read: Enhancing ADHD Intimacy: 3 Rules for a Lifetime of Great Sex
  

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on January 27, 2026, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Melissa Orlov is the founder of ADHDmarriage.com, and ADHD & Marriage Consulting.  She helps ADHD-affected couples re-balance their relationships and learn to thrive through her seminars, books, and consulting. She has written two books on the impact of ADHD in relationships, including The ADHD Effect on Marriage. (#CommissionsEarned)

Melissa teaches mental health professionals how to work with couples impacted by ADHD and leads a team of consultants who specialize in this field. She blogs for PsychologyToday.com and hosts a large community of adults learning about ADHD in relationships. You can find her at ADHDmarriage.com. #CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

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The ramifications of abuse are dire and, in some cases, life-threatening: half of female homicide victims are killed by current or former partners.² The consequences of psychological abuse — the most frequent kind of IPV and often a precursor to physical violence — are no less critical. Research shows that psychological abuse is an even stronger predictor of post-traumatic stress disorder and depression than is physical abuse.³

Though intimate partner violence is startlingly common and harmful, many avenues can lead victims to help and health care providers are instrumental in connecting patients to these paths. Though traditional IPV screening is an effective intervention, it’s not the only one. For some providers, distributing safety cards may be a better fit.

The size of business cards, these safety cards contain information about the red flags and health consequences of IPV. They share contact information for hotlines as well as guidance for safely seeking help, and they let people know they’re not alone.

“It takes 30 to 45 seconds to share the card, and it can change someone’s life,” says Tami Sullivan, Ph.D., director of Family Violence Research and Programs and professor at Yale University’s School of Medicine. “We hear from women with lived experience of violence: ‘Why didn’t anyone ever give me something like this? It could have made all the difference to me.’”

[Read: Why Do Toxic Relationships Swallow People with ADHD?]

Obstacles to IPV Screening

With traditional IPV screening, a provider uses a survey like the HITS (Hurt, Insult, Threaten, Scream) to detect if a patient is experiencing violence. This can be transformative.

“If you trust your provider, it can be a very empowering experience to connect with someone who can listen, make you feel less alone, talk to you about making decisions,” Sullivan says.

But several significant obstacles stand in the way of effective screening for IPV. Survivors may be hesitant to disclose their experiences of violence, fearful of retaliation by their partners, or of being reported to police and potentially losing custody of their children. They may worry they’ll be judged, blamed, or shamed. These concerns may be particularly salient for women with ADHD who receive near-constant criticism, correction, and judgement.

[Watch: “How to Avoid Toxic Relationships and Find Your Ideal Match”]

These obstacles contribute to relatively low rates of disclosure in IPV screenings; less than a quarter of women who have experienced IPV report disclosing this to a health care provider.⁴

The efficacy of screenings also relies on a meaningful response from the provider. Many providers don’t feel comfortable addressing such a sensitive and personal revelation because they’ve not received training in IPV.

“We shouldn’t expect people to develop expertise in responding,” Sullivan explains. “But we want the provider to feel comfortable enough so that they’re not being judgmental, so they can let the person know they’re heard, and connect them to someone who does have expertise.”

If a survivor reveals abuse on a survey and her disclosure is never addressed, or if it’s met with judgement, Sullivan explains, it can discourage her from revealing the abuse to others in the future.

Safety Cards: A Universal Approach

The part of IPV screening that helps survivors most, research has found, is the engagement with support services that happens after disclosure.⁵ This is where safety cards come in.

IPV safety cards, which are distinct from screening methods, bypass surveys altogether and take a direct path to offering help.

The method is simple: Providers order safety cards like these for free and hand them out to every female patient they see (without their partner present). The cards come in 10 languages and contain information about the red flags and health consequences of IPV. They also connect patients to support and resource hotlines

For providers looking for guidance on how to distribute the cards, Sullivan suggests the following language:

“We’ve started talking with all of our patients about relationship health and abuse in relationships, in case it’s ever an issue for them or for their friends and family. This card talks about healthy and safe relationships, ones that aren’t — and how relationships affect your health.”

Safety cards offer myriad benefits, including:

• Getting help to the people who need it, no questions asked. Offering resources to everyone, a universal education model, ensures that the women who need help will get access to it – regardless of whether they disclose abuse.
• Empowering women to help others. Many of the patients who receive cards may not be experiencing IPV, but they may know people who are. Safety cards enable these individuals to recognize abuse in the lives of loved ones, and empower them to offer helpful resources. Research found that people who received universal education were twice as likely as those who did not to share the number for an IPV hotline to someone in need.⁶
• De-stigmatizing conversations about IPV. Broaching the topic of intimate partner violence to all patients helps to break the taboo which often keeps women silent about their experience.
• Planting a seed for future action. It’s important for providers to distribute safety cards at every visit because it may take more than one interaction for patients to recognize abuse in their own lives, or to prepare themselves to consider next steps.  “Often, the cards plant a seed for future action. You give it to patients every time they come in so that it’s routine and becomes comfortable,” Sullivan says. “They come to understand that their relationships affect their health.”

While disclosures aren’t necessary in this IPV intervention, they may happen. When responding, providers should use non-judgmental, validating language, and avoid directing patients to take specific action. “It should never be a provider, trained or not, telling people what they should do,” Sullivan explains. “Though it’s likely well-intentioned, this prescriptive approach mimics the dynamics of abuse and disempowerment.”

Instead, follow the patient’s lead. “Let people know the supports available to them and listen to them,” suggests Sullivan. “You might ask: ‘Have you thought about what you want to do? Do you want help thinking about what makes sense? Would you like to call a helpline from this office?’”

What survivors of abuse need from providers, Sullivan explains, is autonomy, empathy, and information about their options for getting help.

To Order Free Safety Cards

• Visit Futures Without Violence.

Get Help

If you, or someone you love, is experiencing intimate partner violence, these resources may help

• National Domestic Violence Hotline, Call 800-799-7233 or text START to 8878
• Love Is Respect, for people aged 13-26, Call 866-331-9474 or text LOVEIS to 2252
• National Sexual Assault Helpline, Call 1-800-656-HOPE

Abusive Relationships and IPV Screening: Next Steps

• Read: “What Are the Signs of a Controlling Relationship?”
• Quiz: “Is My Relationship Toxic?” A Quiz for Adults with ADHD
• Read: How to Respond to Gaslighting — In Your Relationship and In Yourself

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹Guendelman MD, Ahmad S, Meza JI, Owens EB, Hinshaw SP. Childhood Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Predicts Intimate Partner Victimization in Young Women. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 2016 Jan;44(1):155-66. doi: 10.1007/s10802-015-9984-z. PMID: 25663589; PMCID: PMC4531111.

²Jack SP, Petrosky E, Lyons BH, et al. Surveillance for Violent Deaths — National Violent Death Reporting System, 27 States, 2015. MMWR Surveill Summ 2018;67(No. SS-11):1–32.

³Mechanic MB, Weaver TL, Resick PA. Mental health consequences of intimate partner abuse: a multidimensional assessment of four different forms of abuse. Violence Against Women. 2008 Jun;14(6):634-54. doi: 10.1177/1077801208319283. PMID: 18535306; PMCID: PMC2967430.

⁴Black MC, Basile KC, Breiding MJ, et al. The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey: 2010 summary report. Atlanta, GA Natl Cent Inj Prev Control Centers Dis Control Prev. 2011;19:39-40.

⁵US Preventive Services Task Force; Curry SJ, Krist AH, Owens DK, Barry MJ, Caughey AB, Davidson KW, Doubeni CA, Epling JW Jr, Grossman DC, Kemper AR, Kubik M, Kurth A, Landefeld CS, Mangione CM, Silverstein M, Simon MA, Tseng CW, Wong JB. Screening for Intimate Partner Violence, Elder Abuse, and Abuse of Vulnerable Adults: US Preventive Services Task Force Final Recommendation Statement. JAMA. 2018 Oct 23;320(16):1678-1687. doi: 10.1001/jama.2018.14741. PMID: 30357305.

⁶Miller E, Tancredi DJ, Decker MR, et al. A family planning clinic-based intervention to address reproductive coercion: a cluster randomized controlled trial. Contraception. 2016;94(1):58-67. doi:10.1016/j.contraception.2016.02.009

A: People with rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) experience extreme emotional pain related to real or imagined rejection, and they often respond intensely to any perceived injury or threat. In relationships marked by RSD, it’s difficult for one partner to separate amid distress.

Follow these four strategies to reduce conflict and halt toxic patterns.

#1. QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally)

Listen to your gut. If your partner’s bad mood really about you? If you’re lecturing, yelling, or interrupting instead of listening to your partner, ask yourself, “Why am I talking?”

#2. Use a ‘Takeback of the Day’

Here’s how this forgiveness freebie works: Each day, you or your partner can say, “I said something I regret. I’d like it to be my takeback.” Then the receiver agrees to take a breath and figure out how to forgive the partner without resentment.

[Read: How ADHD Impacts Sex and Marriage]

#3. Extend the Benefit of the Doubt

Don’t assume your partner has done something purposely harmful, painful, inappropriate, or irresponsible. Get some clarity by using “I” statements such as “I’m curious about,” “I wonder,” “It’s confusing to me,” “I was surprised,” or “It hurt me when…”

#4. Follow These STEPS

This five-step plan can help dysregulated couples reverse course, cool down, and move forward.

• Self-control. During intense conversations, focus on the physical signals that suggest you’re becoming activated. Is your heart beating faster? Are you perspiring or speaking louder? You can avoid a massive eruption if you catch your dysregulation early.
• Time apart. Establish a plan for signaling when you need a break during a conflict (one of my clients says, “giraffe”) and for taking time apart to cool down and stabilize. Agree on what works for both of you.
• Evenness. Being accountable for your actions returns relationships to baseline. Consider why you are upset and what you could have done or said differently. How can you express your thoughts or desires more effectively and empathically next time?
• Practice reflective listening. When intense feelings escalate, designate one person as the talker and the other as the listener. The talker says what’s on their mind, uninterrupted, for a set time. Then, the listener reflects and repeats what they heard – “What I heard you say is X. Did I get that right? Is there anything else?” Reset the timer and switch roles so each person is heard.
• Strategize. Set small goals that nurture positive connections. Schedule monthly date nights, or make it a daily goal to recognize something your partner did for which you’re thankful or grateful (e.g., “Thanks for cooking dinner.” “I really liked how you folded my clothes.”).

[Read: How ADHD Ignites RSD]

Q: As the non-ADHD partner, my concerns rarely get addressed. Everything I bring up is taken as a criticism or an attack that elicits strong reactions from my partner. I feel stuck and unheard, always walking on eggshells. What can I do?

A: Your question signals that you and your partner are not connecting as equals. I recommend discussing how to comfortably ask for help using questions based on curiosity, not blame.

• “How do we want to ask each other for help and support? The way we’re doing it isn’t working.”
• “When I tell you something, it seems that your reaction is anger and defensiveness. How should I say things in a way that would be easier for you to hear?”
• “How can I help you slow down and manage your feelings?”
• “I noticed that you looked at me. Was there anything behind that look? I’m prone to interpreting that look as a criticism, and I’m wondering what the thinking was behind it.”

If you are uncomfortable having this conversation, I strongly encourage you to find a couples therapist.

Hurt Feelings & Shame Spirals: Next Steps

• Read: 11 Rules for Fighting Right and Forgiving Faster
• Free Download: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship
• Read: When You’re So Sensitive It Hurts
• Read: The One Ground Rule for Fighting Fair in an ADHD Marriage

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of The ADHD Solution Deck.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s never too late to begin building a bottom line, and here is how I would recommend getting started.

Step #1. Find a Good Job

Consider looking for full-time employment with benefits. A job that provides health insurance and an employer-provided retirement match will help you build financial stability now and for your future.

Look for jobs that use your ADHD strengths. Consider engaging jobs and environments that are fast-paced, creative, and varied. Depending on your educational background, it may be helpful to look for companies that offer tuition assistance so that you may return to school or receive additional training and move up to a better position with better pay.

[Free Download: ADHD-Friendly Budgeting Guide]

Step #2. Budget and Save

Use financial tools that work for your brain. Automate bill paying to reduce your mental load. For budgeting, use apps like You Need a Budget (YNAB) to track your spending. YNAB offers a structured way to visualize the flow of your money and has built-in warning signs to let you know if you’re getting off track.

Other free apps include EveryDollar and PocketGuard. Make it a habit to check in with your budget regularly.

Also, automate your savings. Make sure you’re putting money away for less frequent expenses, like medical copays, vet bills, car repairs, and emergencies. Knowing that you can cover unexpected expenses will give you peace of mind.

[Free Guide to Building Healthy Habits]

Step #3. Curb Spending

Tracking your daily expenses will help you stay within your budget boundaries and reduce impulsive spending. Consider enlisting a friend as an accountability buddy and help each other curtain spending sprees and maintain thrifty habits.

Step #4. Model Good Habits

Talk with your kids about the changes you’re experiencing and help them learn to make good financial decisions. Suggest that they do extra chores around the house or walk a neighbor’s dog to earn some money of their own. Model better spending and saving habits for your kids now to help them become responsible money managers in the future.

Financial Freedom After a Divorce: Next Steps

• Read: You’re Four Steps Away from Your Financial Security
• Webinar Replay: “The Social Traps That Snare ADHD Adults”
• Read: “How Do I Support My Child with ADHD During Our Divorce?”

Stephanie Berman in a money coach. She owns Berman Budgeting Basics, LLC, in Washington State.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

The night Rollins left her husband, he knew what she was planning. “He had his hand on the gun in his holster and he threatened me,” says Rollins. “I remember trying to be strong and saying to my daughter, ‘What is happening now should never happen.’”

Rollins is focused now on trying to heal and cut herself some slack. Getting an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood has been an illuminating part of her journey. “It explains everything,” she says. “How self-critical I was, never feeling good enough, always feeling like, ‘Why can’t I just get it right?’ I think, in hindsight, I wouldn’t have chosen who I chose to marry if I’d known I had ADHD.”

IPV and ADHD

IPV can include physical, sexual, and/or psychological abuse executed by a current or former partner. It does not discriminate, and can affect people of any gender, race, socioeconomic status, or level of education, explains psychologist Tami Sullivan, Ph.D., director of Family Violence Research and Programs and professor at Yale University’s School of Medicine. Women, however, are far more likely to be victims. Intimate partner violence is more common among women than breast cancer, diabetes, or depression.

Among women with ADHD, rates of IPV are even higher. Recent research from Berkeley Girls with ADHD Longitudinal Study (BGALS) found that women aged 17-24 who had received a childhood diagnosis of ADHD were five times more likely than their neurotypical peers to experience physical IPV. Greater ADHD symptom severity in childhood was associated with increased risk for IPV. ¹

[Read: Why Adults with ADHD Are Particularly Vulnerable to Gaslighting]

“It’s underappreciated how difficult ADHD can be for girls and women because the consequences are more internal,” says Stephen Hinshaw, Ph.D., lead researcher of BGALS and professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. “Girls with ADHD are smart, but they can’t get it together. As they age, the tendency is depression, very low self-image, unplanned pregnancy, intimate partner violence, and non-suicidal self-injury.”

Risks, however, are not predetermined outcomes, and information is empowering. Below, learn what intimate partner violence looks like, how its impacts are felt, and what help is available.

The Truth About IPV

What IPV Looks Like

• Psychological: threatening, intimidating, humiliating, criticizing, insulting, belittling, blaming, invading privacy, extreme jealousy/possessiveness, dismissing feelings
• Physical: hitting, pushing, slapping, punching, restraining, choking, dragging
• Sexual: coercing victim to have sexual acts or watch pornography, drugging victim
• Technological: tracking location, demanding check-ins, excessive texting, monitoring communications
• Financial: withholding access to bank accounts and credit cards, ruining the victim’s credit, taking the victim’s paycheck

[Read: Why Do Toxic Relationships Swallow People with ADHD?]

Psychological Abuse Is Rampant—and Overlooked

“Media depictions focus on physical and sometimes sexual abuse, showing a woman fearing for her life on a daily basis,” Sullivan says. “By promoting only that stereotype, we do a disservice to women who experience IPV differently, because they think, ‘Well, that’s not me. I’ve never had a bruise or a broken bone.’”

While patterns and specifics of abusive behavior vary widely, psychological abuse is pervasive. Explains Sullivan: “You almost never see physical and sexual abuse alone, without psychological abuse.” Sullivan and her research team collected data from victims of IPV for 90 days and found that psychological violence occurred on 27% of days — 13 times more often than physical, psychological, and sexual violence together. ²

It’s critical to identify psychological abuse because it often appears first, and can lead to physical and sexual abuse, not to mention dire health consequences on its own.

IPV Has Far-Reaching Impact

The health implications of IPV are often severe:

• 51% of female homicide victims were killed by intimate partners ³
• 80% of IPV survivors display trauma symptoms
• 30% of survivors meet criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Survivors are at an increased risk for:

• diabetes: +51%
• total mortality: +44%
• cardiovascular disease: +31% ⁴

IPV is also associated with an increased risk for substance use disorders, depression, anxiety, suicidality, traumatic brain injuries, working memory declines later in life ⁵, and issues of the gastrointestinal, reproductive, and musculoskeletal systems.⁶

And, to be clear, psychological abuse can be as serious and detrimental as physical abuse — even more so, in some cases. “Psychological abuse erodes self-worth and self-efficacy, that feeling of, ‘I’ve got this,’” says Sullivan. “It can be a stronger predictor of PTSD and depression than physical abuse.” ⁷

Healing from Abuse

“Twenty years ago, the mentality was, How do we get her to leave? The approach now is survivor-centered: What does she want to have happen?” explains Sullivan. “Not every person wants the abusive relationship to end; some just want the violence to stop. Providers need to ask, ‘Have you thought about what you want to do?’ This gives the person voice, something that’s often taken away from them.”

Evidence-based therapeutic interventions should be present-centered with a focus on empowerment, Sullivan says. These include Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), STAIR (Skills Training in Affective and Interpersonal Regulation), Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT), HOPE (Helping to Overcome PTSD through Empowerment).

Get Help

If you, or someone you love, is experiencing intimate partner violence, these resources may help:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline, Call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
• Love Is Respect, for people aged 13-26, Call 866-331-9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522
• National Sexual Assault Helpline, Call 1-800-656-HOPE

*Name has been changed to protect the person’s privacy

Intimate Partner Violence and ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: “We Demand Attention on Self-Harm, Intimate Partner Violence, and Substance Abuse Among Women with ADHD
• Self Test: Is My Relationship Toxic? A Quiz for Adults with ADHD
• Q and A: “What Are the Signs of a Controlling Relationship?”
• Read: “Women Need Better, More Accurate Diagnostic Tools for ADHD”

Nicole C. Kear is Consumer Health Editor at ADDitude magazone.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹Guendelman MD, Ahmad S, Meza JI, Owens EB, Hinshaw SP. Childhood Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Predicts Intimate Partner Victimization in Young Women. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 2016 Jan;44(1):155-66. doi: 10.1007/s10802-015-9984-z. PMID: 25663589; PMCID: PMC4531111.

²Sullivan TP, McPartland T, Armeli S, Jaquier V, Tennen H. Is It the Exception or the Rule? Daily Co-occurrence of Physical, Sexual and Psychological Partner Violence In a 90-Day Study of Substance-Using, Community Women. Psychol Violence. 2012 Apr 1;2(2):10.1037/a0027106. doi: 10.1037/a0027106. PMID: 24349863; PMCID: PMC3859524.

³Jack SP, Petrosky E, Lyons BH, et al. Surveillance for Violent Deaths — National Violent Death Reporting System, 27 States, 2015. MMWR Surveill Summ 2018;67(No. SS-11):1–32.

⁴Chandan JS, Thomas T, Bradbury-Jones C, Taylor J, Bandyopadhyay S, Nirantharakumar K. Risk of Cardiometabolic Disease and All-Cause Mortality in Female Survivors of Domestic Abuse. J Am Heart Assoc. 2020;9:e014580. doi: 10.1161/JAHA.119.014580.

⁵Baker JS, Greendale GA, Hood MM, Karlamangla AS, Harlow SD. Self-reported history of physical intimate partner violence and longitudinal cognitive performance in midlife women. Womens Health (Lond). 2024 Jan-Dec;20:17455057241309782. doi: 10.1177/17455057241309782. PMID: 39707890; PMCID: PMC11663271.

⁶Stubbs, A., & Szoeke, C. (2022). The Effect of Intimate Partner Violence on the Physical Health and Health-Related Behaviors of Women: A Systematic Review of the Literature. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 23(4), 1157-1172. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838020985541

⁷Mechanic MB, Weaver TL, Resick PA. Mental health consequences of intimate partner abuse: a multidimensional assessment of four different forms of abuse. Violence Against Women. 2008 Jun;14(6):634-54. doi: 10.1177/1077801208319283. PMID: 18535306; PMCID: PMC2967430.

Research suggests that women with ADHD are more likely than their neurotypical peers to engage in sexual exploration at a younger age and to have multiple sexual partners. Their behavior is often an attempt to find validation or soothe the emotional chaos that ADHD can create. For some, it’s a way to fill the void created by low self-esteem or a lack of meaningful connections.

Here’s what that looks like for the women with ADHD who have trouble setting boundaries, misjudge risk, and suffer poor self-esteem: In seeking connection, they find themselves in risky encounters without considering the potential consequences. They tolerate disrespect or unsafe situations to avoid rejection.

Risky Sex and Women with ADHD

Many teen girls and women with ADHD are unprepared to handle the consequences of risky behavior, whether it’s dealing with a sexually transmitted disease or an unintended pregnancy.

Understanding how ADHD affects decision-making, through education and self-awareness, can empower women to take a step back before acting. That can mean practicing how to assert your needs and say “no” under pressure to build confidence in relationships, and using checklists to plan safe dates, manage contraception, and schedule health check-ups.

[Read: How ADHD Impacts Sex and Marriage]

Dealing with Low Self Esteem

From a young age, females with ADHD endure criticism for being impulsive, disorganized, and/or emotionally labile. These experiences can create a narrative of self-doubt, where they internalize the idea that they are the problem. This mindset doesn’t disappear in adulthood and often affects their relationships.

When things go wrong in sexual relationships, due to a lack of intimacy, mismatched desires, or conflicts with a partner, many women with ADHD blame themselves. Self-blame can have a profound impact on self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. It can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and worthlessness that make it harder to address the real issues in a relationship. Instead of expressing her needs and desires, a woman may withdraw in fear of rejection or criticism.

If you have experienced any of this, here’s how to shift your internal narrative:

[Watch: Are ADHD Symptoms, Medications Affecting Your Love Life?]

Making Healthy Choices

Emotional Hypersensitivity

Women with ADHD are deeply affected by any criticism, real or perceived. If a partner declines intimacy, you interpret it as a rejection because of your low self-worth.

• Do this: Recognize external factors. Work stress, family pressures, or physical health issues can all influence intimacy. Relationship struggles are rarely the fault of only one person.

Difficulty Communicating Needs

Expressing desires or frustrations can be challenging, especially for women who fear being misunderstood. When conversations about sex go awry, it’s easy to assume you’ve done something wrong.

• Do this: Communicate openly. Tell your partner how ADHD affects your emotions. Together, explore ways to navigate challenges without placing blame.

Negative Self Talk

Many women with ADHD have an inner critic who harps on their perceived flaws. This voice can be particularly harsh around the vulnerable topic of sex.

• Do this: Letting go of self-blame begins with embracing your authentic self and recognizing that you deserve relationships in which you feel valued and supported.

Build Intimacy and Healthy Relationships

Breaking the cycle of self-blame is an essential first step toward a fulfilling sexual relationship. Next comes the work of building and maintaining healthy intimacy. ADHD can sometimes create barriers, but you can strengthen your bond by:

• Planning regular moments together when you intentionally block the distractions that steal your attention.
• Focusing on what brings you joy. Physical affection, emotional vulnerability, and shared activities all contribute to a sense of closeness. If medication or stress dampens your libido, get advice about alternatives or supplements that can support sexual health.
• Learning to say “no” to situations that don’t feel right. This empowers you to protect your wellbeing and foster healthy relationships.

You deserve a relationship in which you feel loved, respected, and understood – not despite your ADHD, but because you are uniquely you.

Risky Sex, Hypersexuality and ADHD: Next Steps

• Watch: “ADHD and Sex: Building Focus and Attention for Intimacy”
• eBook: Women with ADHD
• Watch: Living with ADHD – It’s Different for Women 

Susan Young, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in London.

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In a recent survey of 2,263 ADDitude readers, mothers reported that they handle 15 percent more parenting responsibilities than do fathers – no matter their ADHD diagnosis, job, or marital status. In other words, mothers with ADHD shoulder the same unequal division of labor as mothers without ADHD – but with the added burden on weak executive functioning and emotional regulation skills.

While gender roles may be evolving, the gap in the division of household labor and childcare hasn’t narrowed. Mothers still spend more time managing schedules, planning meals, organizing, and doing other household tasks. Needless to say, this lopsided burden of responsibilities takes a mental and emotional toll on neurodivergent women in particular.

“We all have ADHD, but I’m alone at the helm,” wrote one married, 45-year-old mother of two who works full-time and reports fulfilling 90 percent of the daily parenting duties, “They are all passengers, even though I’m just as impaired as they are. It’s profoundly unfair. I have the same condition as my kids and spouse, and I fail at supporting everyone. It’s devastating.”

Division of Labor in ADHD Families

According to the survey, 76 percent of women with ADHD said they experience guilt related to parenting and ADHD; only half of men said the same. Likewise, 63 percent of women with ADHD said they often or always feel judged by others for their parenting, compared to just 25 percent of men.

Mothers were also less likely to feel satisfied with the division of parenting labor in two-parent families, less likely to feel supported as parents, and less likely to find time for self-care. In contrast, the survey found that fathers reported taking 64 percent more time each week for “exercise, hobbies, self-care, socializing, or ‘me-time’” than mothers did.

Compared to their female counterparts, fathers said they were 34 percent more satisfied with their exercise and wellness, 20 percent more satisfied with their diet and nutrition, and 18 percent more satisfied with their hobbies. The bottom line: Men are doing better, and they are doing less.

[Self-Test: Am I Burnt Out? 14 Questions That Reveal Symptoms of Burnout]

Family Stress + Mental Load = Mom Burnout

Where is all of this headed? If you guessed straight into massive, flaming burnout for mothers with ADHD, you were right, according to the nearly 60 percent of mothers with ADHD who reported this. They also said that they were dissatisfied with every facet of their own wellbeing:

• Exercise: 85% dissatisfied
• Hobbies: 79% dissatisfied
• Sleep: 69% dissatisfied

Overall, moms with ADHD reported more stress than their male or non-ADHD counterparts in 12 out of 14 parenting domains, including keeping up with daily routines and schedules, housework, and meals. Only 8 percent said they feel “fully supported.”

[Free Resource: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship]

“I wish people understood how difficult it can be to manage the mental load of a family while navigating ADHD myself,” wrote a 41-year-old mother of two who works full-time and reports fulfilling 60 percent of parenting responsibilities. “It’s not just about staying organized but also finding the energy to handle tasks when my executive function is already stretched thin. Balancing this dynamic takes constant effort and communication.”

“Stress fried my nervous system…. I was distracted, disorganized, and crashing,” wrote another mother. “I developed chronic pelvic pain, fibromyalgia, migraines, mood issues, and chronic fatigue. And yet, doing self-care was so hard that it didn’t happen until I completely burned out.”

What Moms Wish They Had Known Sooner

ADDitude asked readers: What advice do you wish someone had given you about motherhood with ADHD?

• “Find friends who get you and find a good therapist. Don’t dwell on whether you are doing it right. Your journey will look different, but accept the child you have.”
• “It isn’t a moral failure to have problems with organization or motivation.”
• “You don’t need to explain or justify your parenting to strangers. You don’t know their story and they don’t know yours.”
• “Help your children feel accepted and loved; that’s the most important thing.”
• “Lead with love, don’t be scared to admit fault, apologize profusely, and be extremely fluid. Your ADHD child needs to know that you are human.”
• “Forget every piece of age-old parenting ‘wisdom’ you’ve ever heard. Instead, seek out experts who understand neurodivergence – because we wouldn’t use a suburban house’s electrical schematics to wire a space shuttle.”
• “Since I started learning about my ADHD, I am a better parent and person. I don’t feel as horrible about my shortcomings and have more forgiveness for myself.”
• “Find someone who is going to support you and push you to improve.”
• “Do not measure yourself against neurotypical people.”

Division of Labor in ADHD Homes: Next Steps

• Watch: Living with ADHD – It’s Different for Women 
• eBook: Women with ADHD
• Learn: Married with ADHD – How Real Couples Make It Work

Anni Layne Rodgers is General Manager at ADDitude.

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Recently, 246 ADDitude readers in neurodivergent relationships told us how they complement their partners, and vice versa. Many readers shared that their unique strengths provide balance and a bridge to understanding in their relationships touched by ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), or other commonly overlapping conditions. Below are the snapshots they shared.

What neurodivergent strengths do you bring to your relationship? Share your thoughts in the Comments section below.

Embracing Neurodiversity in Relationships

“I hate routine. He lives for routine. I bring adventure into his life, and he brings structure into mine.” — Anonymous

“He is very supportive of my tireless search for novelty, career prospects, inventions, and Danish vintage tablecloths. I am very accepting of his deep dives for information and ability to recount the facts.”— Joyce, England

[Get This Free Download: Checklist of Autism Symptoms]

“When I start going down that ‘rabbit hole,’ he’s good at recognizing it and giving me a gentle ‘nudge.’ He’s very supportive of my ADHD idiosyncrasies.”— Carole, Canada

“My partner is great at organizing and making lists and keeping me on track. I’m good at finding creative ways to increase our capabilities.” — Beth, Australia

“We find creative solutions to all kinds of problems: relationships, how to organize something, struggles with work, etc.. Our neurodivergence helps us be the best communicators because we have to be. We think similarly, but our differences make us a ‘complete package.’” — Suzanne, Canada

“I’m impulsive with a schedule-and-planner husband. This keeps things interesting and not stuck in a rut.”— Natasha, Australia

[Read: How Relationships Collapse Under the Weight of ADHD]

“I tend to focus on details, while my partner can see the big picture but totally misses details. My partner is fine with taking risks, but I’m risk averse. We make an amazing team.” — Sarah, Canada

“My ADHD superpower is hyperfocus, allowing me to concentrate on work and become rather successful. My husband’s superpowers are creativity and divergent thinking, leading him to creative and fun pursuits, which add excitement, adventure, and childlike wonder to the relationship. Knowing each other’s ADHD strengths and challenges has allowed us to be more empathetic toward each other.” — Anonymous

“We focus on complimenting each other instead of finding blame. I manage our mental load while he handles almost all the physical tasks.” — Samantha, Pennsylvania

“I have ADHD, and my husband self-describes as autistic. We support each other’s sensory overwhelm, and where I am the gas, he is the brake. He helps even out my impulses, and I help him seize opportunities.” — Christina, South Carolina

“We’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders and have learned to complement each other in places where we used to clash.” — Kellie, Michigan

How Similarities Bridge Understanding

“We see each other’s needs for time alone or time together.” — Anonymous

“Having a partner who ‘gets it’ because they have ‘it’ lifts so much of the burden of having ADHD.” — Matthew, North Carolina

“We often make the same mistakes at different times, so we have the utmost patience and understanding for one another and help each other pick up the pieces to get back on track.” — MJ, Indiana

“It’s been really hard at times, but the diagnoses have helped us contextualize our experiences and approach each other with more compassion.” — Jason, Oregon

“While we don’t always understand the world in the same way, we have shared experiences and can provide support and empathy in ways that neurotypical folks can’t.” — Anonymous

ADHD, Autism, and Relationships: Next Steps

• Free Download: 6 Ways ADHD Sabotages Relationships
• Read: 10 Ways to Save Your Relationship
• Read: We Need to Talk About How ADHD Affects Interpersonal Relationships

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Do you ever feel so wrecked by a critique or comment from your partner that you can’t seem to recover for days? Or do you feel silenced and stuck because your partner interprets any constructive feedback as disapproval, and reacts in the extremes?

ADHD complicates relationships on its own, but adding rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) to the equation almost always amplifies the strife. RSD describes unbearable, painful feelings related to a real or a perceived rejection, and the ensuing belief that people will pull back their love and support. This heightened sensitivity intensifies reactions to the natural ups and downs of relationships and increases interpersonal conflict, hostility, and hurt. It can be very complicated for couples to manage conflict, discuss delicate subjects, and process emotions successfully.

In this webinar, Dr. Sharon Saline will show you how to manage the special challenges that arise in relationships touched by RSD and ADHD. You will learn how to navigate the thorny path of RSD in relationships and shift toxic patterns to healthier interactions. She’ll teach you how both partners can better regulate and handle challenging conversations with less blame, negativity, and over-personalizing while fostering connection and closeness. Dr. Saline will offer concrete strategies for making repairs, creating effective bids for connection, using collaboration for disagreements, and improving relational empathy. You will leave with practical tools to listen and reduce reactivity.

In this webinar, you will learn…

1. How rejection sensitivity dysphoria works and manifests in adults
2. How RSD impacts relationships and creates special challenges
3. Effective strategies for coping with typical patterns of conflict in couples
4. How to reduce reactivity and improve communication with greater empathy

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the  symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO 

RSD in Relationships: More Resources

• Download: Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
• Replay: Strategies for Managing Your Sensitivities in Real Time
• Self-Test: RSD Symptoms Checklist
• Read: You Are Enough — Counteracting Imposter Syndrome, Perfectionism, & RSD
• eBook: The Emotions of ADHD

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on October 9, 2024, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and author of the award-winning book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life and The ADHD Solution Deck, specializes in working with children, teens, emerging adults and families living with ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, autism, twice exceptionalism, and mental health issues. (#CommissionsEarned) She lectures and facilitates workshops internationally on topics such as understanding ADHD, executive functioning, anxiety, motivation, different kinds of learners, and the teen brain. Dr. Saline is a regular contributor to ADDitudemag.com, among many other leading publications.

Learn more at www.drsharonsaline.com.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Listener Testimonials

“Really impressed with the content and how slick this production was! Thank you so much.”

“I have been with my partner for 25 years, and we’ve only just been diagnosed with ADHD. The webinar gave us hope.”

“I appreciated the ‘tricks’ to think about and try out when in the middle of a reaction.”

“Outstanding. Dr. Saline was excellent, both in substance and presentation.”

Webinar Sponsor

The sponsor of this ADDitude webinar is…

Play Attention: Are your relationships being impacted by ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)? We can help. Play Attention, inspired by NASA technology and backed by Tufts University research, is designed to strengthen executive function, helping you manage these emotional complexities. Take our ADHD test or schedule a consultation to discover how Play Attention can support you in creating more balanced and harmonious interactions. Call 828-676-2240 or visit www.playattention.com.

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

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Couples who have additional struggles may especially need that intimate connection to maintain goodwill during those inevitable ADHD moments. Here’s what to do — and not do.

How to Have Better Sex in ADHD Relationships

1. Avoid extremes. When a person with ADHD is defensive or minimizes reasonable requests, their partner may become controlling or retreat into resentful silence. If the non-ADHD partner criticizes the ADHD partner because they haven’t met expectations, the ADHD partner may become oppositional or passive. You want to avoid these extremes.

[Free Download: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship]

ADHD doesn’t invent new problems; it just exacerbates the universal ones. Every couple has to negotiate different preferences or ways of doing things, but the heat is turned up when one partner isn’t managing their ADHD well and the other takes on the role of caregiver. As one respondent wrote in my survey on ADHD and relationships, “Parent-child dynamics in adults are a sex killer.”

If you don’t feel like an equal, or even on the same team, you may be less interested in sex with your partner. Generosity and excitement begin to fizzle and then you feel like roommates (boring).

2. Use sex to foster connection. In my research, I have found that those with ADHD are generally more interested in sex and more influenced by sexual stimuli. This totally makes sense. People with ADHD tend to have a harder time filtering out and resisting what is interesting in the moment.

This sexual eagerness can be positive in a long-term relationship when the couple is generally getting along well and sex is a fun, connecting experience. After all, every couple needs at least one person to initiate sex and to keep it from being the last thing that happens. Also, that ADHD quest for novelty can keep things exciting over the years.

[Watch: Are Symptoms, Medications Affecting Your Love Life?]

3. Prioritize fun. For couples with ADHD, three things are inextricably linked: your relationship, your sex life, and how well the partner with ADHD is managing symptoms. If you want one of these to be better, then you probably need to work on the other two. Working on your relationship and sex life will help you and your partner feel supportive of each other, which will lead to a willingness to manage ADHD more effectively. This positivity will lead couples to not only make more time for sex, but it also create more good feelings, playfulness, and generosity — so the sex is even better.

This is not just about the physical act of sex. It’s about feeling that your partner has your back and can handle it when you have an imperfect moment. It’s about giving and receiving generosity. It’s about rising above the mundane demands of adult life and prioritizing your time together. It’s about really wanting to be with this person. And that’s why you’re together, isn’t it?

Enhancing ADHD Intimacy: Next Steps

• Watch: ADHD and Sex — Building Focus and Attention for Intimacy
• Read: Can an ADHD Diagnosis Save a Relationship?
• Read: When Both Partners Are Diagnosed — Understanding the Other’s ADHD

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Sometimes it can be difficult to tell when a relationship has crossed a line from supportive to controlling. Let’s examine the differences between these two types of relationships, including how they relate to ADHD.

Signs of a Supportive Relationship

In a supportive relationship, partners emphasize individual autonomy (the ability to make your own decisions) and independence, encouraging each other to pursue personal interests, goals, and friendships outside the relationship. Both partners respect each other’s space and neither seeks to dominate or control the other. When decisions are made together, they consider the needs of both partners. For example, partners may discuss treatment for ADHD together, but the ultimate decision is entrusted to the partner with ADHD.

Respect is fundamental and communication is open, honest, and non-judgmental. Partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear. Partners strive to understand each other’s perspectives and seek mutually beneficial solutions. ADHD may be seen as an issue, but it is never “weaponized” against a partner.

Supportive relationships encourage mutual emotional growth and development. Partners encourage and celebrate each other’s achievements and milestones. Each partner actively supports the other in their personal and professional activities, including involvement in ADHD-related groups or communities.

[Is Your Relationship Toxic? Take This Self-Test to Find Out]

Signs of a Controlling Relationship

In a controlling relationship, there is often a significant power imbalance. One partner seeks to control the other, dictating decisions and actions. A partner who attempts to address a power imbalance often gets belittled or ignored. The controlling partner may also use manipulation or coercion to maintain control.

A controlling partner may isolate the other from friends, family, or other sources of support in an effort to create dependency, making that person reliant on them for validation and decision-making. A controlling partner may tell the person with ADHD that they don’t need treatment and were easier before getting help.

Trust and transparency are often lacking in controlling relationships. The controlling partner may show jealousy, monitor the other person’s activities, or demand constant reassurance. The controlled partner may need to hide aspects of their life to avoid conflict.

Controlling relationships discourage emotional growth or interests that threaten the power imbalance in the relationship. The dominant partner may actively discourage the other person from pursuing personal interests, goals, or treatment for ADHD. A controlled partner who has a healthy support system and who is receiving effective treatment is more likely to leave a controlling relationship.

[Get This Free Resource: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship]

A supportive relationship improves the wellbeing of both partners, whereas the power imbalance in a controlling relationship is damaging. Recognizing these differences is crucial for creating healthy, fulfilling connections with others.

Controlling Relationships and ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: The Gaslighting Risk — Why Adults with ADHD Are Particularly Vulnerable to Manipulation
• Read: “How I Recognized an Abusive Relationship from the Inside”
• Read: Why Do Toxic Relationships Swallow People with ADHD?
• Listen: “Gaslighting, Love Bombing & Beyond — How to Recognize (and End) Toxic Relationships with ADHD”

Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D., is a clinical specialist in child and adolescent counseling.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.