People pleasing is not a virtue. It\u2019s not altruistic and selfless to prioritize others\u2019 needs over our own. It\u2019s an insidious and self-sabotaging habit, especially for those of us living with ADHD who feel like we’re constantly letting people down and, therefore, must do more, more, more.<\/p>\n
But people pleasing<\/a>, as I and others with ADHD know, often results in little more than broken promises \u2014 to others, and to ourselves. People-pleasing behaviors like failing to set boundaries, readily assuming blame, and being overly agreeable for validation\u2019s sake lead to unmet goals, dissatisfaction, burnout<\/a>, and resentment.<\/p>\n What finally helped me address people-pleasing behaviors was a powerful reframe: I\u2019m not pleasing people; I\u2019m abandoning myself.<\/p>\n [Read: Self-Sabotage and ADHD \u2014 Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?<\/a>]<\/em><\/p>\n It hit hard when I thought of how many times I\u2019ve abandoned myself across my life, but I let this realization propel me to do better for myself.<\/p>\n It takes time to unlearn people-pleasing tendencies. Start by asking yourself one question the next time you face a potential commitment: Does the activity nurture or drain my energy?<\/p>\n Depersonalize your response and try not to assign morality to the situation. Say your child\u2019s school asks for volunteers to organize a bake sale. Instead of thinking, \u201cI should volunteer because that\u2019s what good parents do,\u201d think of what it would require of you. Would you be able to volunteer and preserve enough energy to attend to your and your family\u2019s needs at home?<\/p>\n As you set a boundary, remember that you can attend to activities in ways that meet your energy needs and values. The bake sale may be draining this time, but perhaps you can donate a store-brought treat to the event.<\/p>\n This article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts Webinar, “How to Accomplish Your 2026 Goals \u2014 One Day at a Time<\/a>” with Caren Magill<\/a>. Caren is an ADHD coach, entrepreneur, and YouTube creator.<\/em><\/p>\nHow to Stop Abandoning Yourself<\/h2>\n
People Pleasing and ADHD: Next Steps<\/h2>\n
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